I can't tell you why. I wish I could. I won't to know why myself. I think they are sick. I wish we could hang and burn them. It's ok to cry, to scream, yell, be anger, and pissed. I am. Don't we all wish we knew.

(Hugs)

Man can I relate - I don't think I have had a normal thought in 35 years. I have become successful, married, had a family - but all by numbers, just going through the motions. Now I am trying to deal with myself and what makes me happy and guess what - BRICK WALL! The me I want to know does not exist - or I don't know who he is.

No you never caused it. That's the guilt and shame talking. I wish I knew also. My life problems are mostly because of my abuse also. The only thing to do is keep breathing and living for a better you. God bless!

I know how you feel. All my depression, self-harm, etc is linked back to my sexual abuse yet I will always think that I was the reason why it happened even though i know its not my fault.

Its not your fault hen, believe me it's not.

Stay strong love, talk to me if you need to.

Daz xx

First of all you picked a really hardcore book to read....that one is to read after some healing's been done. :-) If you want to read and gain some understanding, start with Courage to Heal. It has personal stories in it, and it covers everything in it....even things I had no clue could be affected by my abuse. Another thing I'd strongly suggest...don't do this alone. Find a counselor or therapist you can relate to and trust. Sexual abuse is a bitch to get through alone & sometimes having someone trained to get us through the trip can be a huge relief. Think about what you can deal with and go from there. Go easy on the books you choose because you're right.....some of them are triggers and will make things worse.

I can relate to having a book make your problems worse.

My therapist recommended "The Courage to Heal" and it completely sent me over the edge.

He dosen't seem to understand why I can't read it. He said it's "helped lots of other women in my position." Well... it doesn't really help me.

Sounds like you're smack in the middle of one of the "bad parts." That's what I call 'um anyway. Seems to me like I'll have a good week or two then I'll have a bad stretch.

Try to do something good for yourself. Buy yourself something you've been wanting or go get a mani/pedi or whatever it is that makes you calm.

I've found that "being good to myself" is one of the only ways to leave one of the "bad parts" behind.

Good luck.

makes perfect sense..to this day I still think that at 5, 6, 7, 8 , 9 , 10, 11, 12, 13 I would have had the strength to fight back...makes me sick..makes me feel dirty

the abused always feels like it is there fault. Rationally i know it is not my fault, but the shame and guilt is hard to get over. I know this all too well. I am here if you ever want to talk.