Damn wish I had an answer cuz I'd be pissed too. Been talking to him about it a lot?

No, I shut down. He apologized that night but we haven't spoke of it since. I told him that it wasn't me that he really needed to make amends with, it was his cousin....but it's just gnawing at me....

So sorry about the LIE and that is what it was. NOW you need to decide if he was keeping this info from you for his good or yours! Maybe he just didn't want to upset you. Knowing what you went thru. Guys are pretty dense! I mean they don't always realize what the next step is. Have you thought about counciling? It really helped me get thru my issues with sexual abuse. If hubby is ready to go to counciler>> let that be the way. It can only strengthen your relationship. Get it out in the open in a safe enviroment.
Hope I helped!
Be Safe and Take Care of yourself!!

SHutting down won't help cuz it will eat away at you. You probably should deal with this little bomb because it's going to interfere with you healing yourself. And it's going to change the way you look at him over time....you'll start to resent him for sure. Get it out, get some help, deal with, deal with him, amd move past this.

I know that's the logical answer to all of this but I think I needed someone else to just state it. Thank you

Wow...that is really a hard one. I'm not sure that is something I would be able to deal with in the long run. I'm not trying to be the voice of doom but how do you move past it? I'm so sorry.

Damn but I can totally understand why you shut down as a reaction.

Realistically your husband has admitted that he has committed a criminal act to you and you keeping silent about it isn't going to help anybody, least of all you because not only do you carry around the trauma of your own abuse but also the abuse that your husband has caused another person and so the cycle continues.

Break the cycle girl...

This site can be very scary sometimes. Some stories are helpful but this is bad. I hate to bring this up but do you have children or plan to have children? That was my first thought.

This site can be very scary sometimes. Some stories are helpful but this is bad. I hate to bring this up but do you have children or plan to have children? That was my first thought.

my first reaction was the same as blue36, if he hasn't done any work for this, i think it is about time he does, there's a reason it has arisen now, and not just because he has been stewing on it.
I too would be pipped off.

I don't have a clue how i would handle something like this. I guess being a guy I would have to say you have to wieght all the factors. 12 -14 years old is pretty young but that does not excuse what he did. What bothers me is why is he still feeling so much quilt? is it because the child he abused ended up abusing a younger child? or is it something else.

if I were absolutely sure that this was a one time thing he did. Then I would consider what life has been like with him. As a guy I can tell you he may have been trying to protect himself, you and your marriage. It is equally posible that becuase he knows what you went thru that he felt quilty because he felt he was betraying you by not telling you. At any rate I don't know how much love is between you to but it is possible he told because he loves you.

I guess this may a case where the sum of the parts equal the whole. And if it was a one time thing it was probably experimentation at that age. Still not forgivable.

i agree he should have told you. i did that for my wife. I told her out of respect and to be sure she could handle it. as it turned out she had had extensive abuse in her life. So he was wrong for not teilling. But his intentions may have been in the right place.

On the other hand if the guy is jerk. then kick him in the butt.