You do what you can do. What advice does you attorney give you? I can only imagine how difficult that would be. I'm sure you are very anxious about it. In the end we can only do what we can do and it's alright whatever it is. Work with your therapist (assuming you have one) and your attorney to try and reduce your anxiety. But if possible, I would advise trying to testify...I say this because it's empowering to you. It potentially can help healing...not allowing fear to control us is always empowering. It does take a lot of strength to do it. As far as the legal part and whether not doing it in person weakens the case against him, I dk. I'm saying do it if at all possible...for you. I think you can do it....albeit scared but strong enough to do it. But if you can't, you can't and it's alright. Don't beat yourself up over it.

I understand what your going through. I made my statement to the police and was a minor when this happened, but I did not go to the hearing, my docs and family felt it was safer for me. My family and people I didn't think knew went to the hearing and all made statements on my behalf. I think you need to do what you and or your loved ones feel is right for YOU, it wont look bad. If putting yourself in that situation will effect and hurt you more. Just don't.

Thank you both for your comments, encouragement and replies! I'm grateful for the awesome support I've received here. I hope you both have blessed days!

Hope you find what you need to do about taking the guy to court. SOmetimes it makes us stronger to go their and tell our stories so others will not have to go through what we have went through...

But talk it over with your family, attorney and if you still confuses a minister sometimes helps to talk to them...
Keeping you in my prayers.

I was raped at 14 and the first thing I did when he let me go was call the police...not my parents but the cops. I then did the whole court thing, got up on the stand and everything. Thinking back I believe I was just numb but I also know that it was the only part of my ordeal that gave me any sense of control at all. I hope you can find your inner strength and start to heal as soon as you can.

Again, I appreciate the replies! The more I think about the situation and the more encouragement I receive, I think I need to proceed and take back my life. I need to face "him" in court. You are all awesome and I'm truly grateful for your comments!

I'm going to tell you this: You ARE strong enough to stand up in front of that bastard and say, "Yes, he did this to me and he should be punished." I stood in front of mine, and let me tell you it's not a fun experience, it's horrifying. I was so nervous and shaky and I couldn't even talk without my voice cracking, but I stood there and told them in front of his face what he had done to me. I think that you need to do what's best for you, and only you can make that decision. If you don't feel that you can do it, then go via attorney. I don't think either way it's going to make a difference in the case, they'll understand the trama you've suffered already and would understand if you can't be present. But I'm going to leave you with words of encouragment: You CAN do it! You ARE strong enough to stand in front of him and call him out. If you ever need to talk I'm here for you just let me know. Stay strong and good luck with everything.

I've been there done that so to speak. I had to write a VIR as well when I had my father charged.

Some courts will allow a screen to be put up so that the victim does not have to see the offender whilst giving evidence in court. In some cases (usually for younger children) they allow the evidence to be given via a camera from another room...not ususally done for adults though.

The courts clerk should have also given you a brochure on procedures as well, if not ask for one.

In New Zealand (where I am) new legislation means that I can opt not to appear in court and have the VIR submitted instead.

Either way, seek advice from your attorney and also your therapist (if you have one)