Hugs rnd78.... I do know how it feels, as I have been abused by family members and I have to pretend that everything is still ok when it isn't. It is hard, especially like when xmas comes along and they show up on your doorstep. I am going to have the same trouble and I am not looking forward to it at all. Anyone know how to deal with this?

i know this is hard.

I wish I had some easy advise but i don't. I don't have to see my brother and when i do we tend to have walls between us.

I think if I were in your shoes i would either tell them how you feel or let it go until you can.

easier said than done.

You are strong.
You are coping.
Christmas is going to be great this year.
Dont worry about them.
2345

I'm so sorry you were hurt and now are in pain. The holidays can be a difficult time. I don't have contact with family except one abuser I request financial support from. But we don't talk and I don't see him, it is all through letters. I'm too scared to go around him. I don't blame you for not wanting to see your family. It wasn't a time of love. I too get sad around the holidays. But try and be there for the kids and make happy memories now. I know that is easier said than done. I'm sorry you are sad. I wish you healing. vickie

I'm avoiding even the good family members this year cause they have a connection to people who weren't good to me. And I don't even know if I was sexually abused by them, just that they screwed with my head and their compliments are so fake they are meant to keep me trapped in their family. YOu don't have to ever see them again if you don't want to. You have a choice. Even if you just make up some excuse and don't tell them anything. You have no obligation to them whatsoever, you don't have to explain anything to them, all you have to do is take care of your kids and yourself. I'm glad you're protecting your children.

I posted the following on another thread. Maybe it should be here as well.

Crying cleans the soul..it helps to get tension and hurt out, for at least a while.
Never be affraid to cry, it is something like a pressure cooker... the steam builds up, the hot air rises, then pop, the top blasts..
We hold all the hurt,pain and saddness inside..then all of a sudden, the tears well up in our eyes... we cry, then the heart begins to feel less like bursting, our minds becomes less jumbled, our body releases SOME of the stress..
This is how crying helps me.
I ususally go to the shower, turn it on all the way and have a good cry as not to upset my hubby.

He knows I still carry baggage from my situation, he is always there to talk, but never presses me -- he just lets me know he cares and HATES that guy for what he did to me.

Unfortunetly sometimes you have to put the past behind you, and forget what's happened to you for not only your kid's sake but your mothers & fathers sake. Imagine you were young and never got to see your nana, Even though she wanted to see you. Imagine your a grandmother and never get to see your grandson/grand daughter, Just because you made some mistakes which you cannot admit to because your that ashamed.