Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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is it my fault

deleted_user
deleted_user
im confused, i spent time with a detective today making a statement about my abuse which happened over 20 years ago, and have come home feeling somehow like it was patly my fault because i didnt try hard enough to fight him off...i was 11 at the time and living with my abuser...the abuse started and continued for months and i was so scared all of the time, to scared to protest alot as to not wanting this to happen.i am wondering now, if i had been more assertive about how i felt, would it really have made any difference. i believe my abuser knew how unhappy his actions made me feel and i find it hard to imagine he didnt see my fear.
why am i feeling like this? i know how it felt to be trapped with him day in and day out, i just wasnt able to tell anyone what was happening.
i just feel bad right now and dont understand why i feel this way.
thanks for listening...is this normal for a surviver of abuse to feel like i do after so long.
anne xx
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Anne,
Yeah, it's typical. Unfortunately. It's weird how un-logical it is, and yet... Well, anyway, it most certainly wasn't your fault in the slightest way. As a child, the situation is quite clear. You are dependent on adults to take care of you and we all make calcuations for our survival when we are children. When thinking about it from an adult perspective, you assume your adult self and all the options that are open to you. You didn't have those as a child. You had no credit cards or driver's license or even legal rights. So, now, after 20 years you are voicing the voice that couldn't have been heard before. I think that's a good step. It's not ideal, but it's better than nothing.
deleted_user
deleted_user
it wasnt your fault. you were very young. i also feel this way but even scientific studies say that you did not have the capacity to fight it off. it's normal anne. it's not your fault. as hard it is to believe, it's fact.
LindaJean
LindaJean
If the policeman gave you that feeling from his/her questions - he/she knows better. You were the under age child - it was a crime for this man to abuse you - the law recognizes this activity as criminal activity. At the age of 11 you do not have the ability to reason to the extent required to give the abuser permission. You have no responsibility in this - absolutely none.
deleted_user
deleted_user
thank you to all of you who have taken the time to respond to my post.i was just so confused when i got home and needed to know from others who have been through this if it is normal.the detective i am dealing with is very nice to me and has not indicated i was to blame, i just felt as though after telling parts of my story, like i should have done more to help myself, but you are all right, i was young and the fear i felt at that time, was crippling for me.i know deep down i had no control, but sometimes now as an adult, i wish i had tried harder to fight him.thank you so much for your support, i know i dont post often but at least i know i can come to this site and be understood by others.it is very reassuring for me.i find it very hard to talk about how i feel.
thank you again.
love anne xx
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi there Anna i c that u seem 2 have accepted its not your fault from your last entry but i just wanted to say i was in your situation in that i lived with my abuser and i later many years on reported him. I too questioned my actions or lack of as a child but have since worked thru this. You were definatly in no way to blame i always found it helpful to imagine a child of the age u were then think what expectations would u have as an adult for that CHILD to stand up to their abuser. The whole thing about abuse is that its a power thing for the abuser. They picked u because u were weaker than them. What your doing in reporting it is really brave and i wish you luck with an outcome.
deleted_user
deleted_user
By allowing the abuser to still let you feel that it is your fault you are still being abused. You have said that you know it wasn't your fault so hang on to this and remind yourself every day.
Mandie5
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