I know EXACTLY how you feel. i used to be really bad at getting into horrible violent rages with my boyfriend, all of which basically just involved me. It was so bad for awhile that we were looking at moving out and getting seperate places because he couldn't handle the anger I carry/carried. We haven't had a big blowout in awhile and I don't know what's changed but I'm afraid it hasn't for good. I still go through every day hoping I don't explode because I feel like it's uncontrollable. Anyway, if you ever need to talk I'm here for you. Stay strong and good luck with everything.

I think it's not the fact that he knows but that he's a safe target because he will be slow to walk away and will absorb some of your pain for you. That's what I do to my sig. other. I try to catch myself but can't always. So much repressed anger; I have to let it out or I'll explode! Lately, I let it out on salespeople who act stupid. Yes, I am that nasty lady you see in the store. Better them than someone I love.

I understand what you are going hrough. Unfortunately I live with one of my abusers. Since my stroke. I can be hard.

Not going to change until you deal with it and you can't deal with it without help and the help you need is going to have to be through therapy. A therapist can give you the skills to work through the anger which btw is perfectly normal as is targeting your partner.

thanx guys....its nice to know im not the only one!
i'm trying anger management and counselling but still i'm like this, maybe its just taking its time to work!
thanx anyway guys its a great help! x x

It would seem that we are in a similar situation. I would say anger may hurt or upset your love ones when it is released without some restraint. but it seems like you are still communicating. I have anger but I shut down, I applaud your ability to keep communicating, I just hope your rage isnt misdirected wrath and more so an amplified expression

There are two people who know about what happened to me. I told my exboyfriend first (boyfriend at the time). I lost my virginity to him, and this triggered the flashbacks of what had happened to me. After a lot of crying and patience (on his side) I finally told him. He has been really helpful when I want to talk about it, though he doesn't come to me.

I haven't exactly lashed out on him, but I do blame my troubles on him when I shouldn't. I belittle him sometimes and snap at him but always end up apologizing. I think he kind of understands that I'm an emotional wreck, and doesnt take it personally.

Oh, I have also told my best friend..but we didn't really talk about it and I think she's freaked out because she hasn't brought it up since..

i know my mum had a tendency to abuse the ppl closest to her. It didn't seem to be related to what we knew, or what our relationship was with her. I agree with some other posts here....if you work through the problems it should help.

i am in the same situation right i have been seeing a girl for 2 yrs now i love her to death but i am always angry and say mean things its like i try and push her away but then when she is gone i cant live with myself she just left me 2 days ago and i think this time it is for good i am trying my hardest to try and find ways to change the way i am i hope talking on here can help

OMG I noticed along time ago when my husband even sees or talks to mom (she took is dad back when he got out of prison for the abuse on he and his bro) he gets very edgy. I usually know before he tells me he talked to her. He argues with everything. I have told a friend that one day I'm going to say my name is Ellie and he is going to argue with me. We are working on that since forever.

OMG!!! I am so glad I read this. I thought I was the only person who wreaked havoc on those I love most. I was sexually abused at a young age by my step-father. My mother then abandoned me to go back to him and didn't talk to me for 13 years. I was gang-raped at 15. I got on drugs, yada yada, and then I recently lost my daughter and sister on the same day. With each thing that happened to me to beat me down, my rage grew increasingly worse. I got one divorce over it. After my new husband and I lost our daughter in April, I snapped and just screamed at him about everything. He would be hanging out with his friends and I would want him home so I would call and scream or sometimes show up and cause a scene. It almost resulted in divoce number 2. Until I had a little breakdown in my doctor's office one day and confessed it all to her. She begged me to try Lexapro (I had already told her no a couple of times because I was afraid of the stigma and of getting addicted). But I caved and tried it. I AM A NEW PERSON. I'm not a zombie. I still have emotions, they're just within a normal range now. My husband and I have not had a single fight since I've been on it (about 2 months). If we disagree about something, we just talk about it. Like normal people. I don't yell. I don't cry unnecessarily. I don't throw things. It has really worked for me. I hope this helps someone. You all made me feel like maybe I wasn't a monster. Thank you!