For the most part, when I've talked about my abuse, people (even family members and friends) change the subject. It seems to make them uncomfortable. My one friend told me that he couldn't handle it...he said it made him so upset he couldn't "stomach" it. Actually, at times, I wish people would let me talk about it more because it makes me feel like they don't care. If you are asked questions, keep in mind that they are asking them because they care about you. Also, you don't have to answer anything that you don't want to or that makes you feel uncomfortable.

I have talked with a few people about my abuse and I often find either they cant or wont deal with it or they allow you to talk as much or as little as you want... I dont see them asking a lot of questions

I agree. You won't have to worry about getting too many questions, believe me. In fact, I get slightly peeved about how little they want to know.

I have told my mother that I was abused. I just said it, in once sentence in a factual manner and then left the house. I never had to explain or answer questions. But I told her because I had to tell to make it stop. Since that day about 3 years I hadn't told anyone. But a few weeks ago I told a good friend and her husband. They showed me it's okay to open up. They let me talk and cry, and they reassured me that they would always be there for me. The didn't ask anything but let my say whatever I wanted and didn't change the subject until i did. I know a lot of people have had bad experiences in leaving themselves vulnerable and opening up and talking to others, but this is an example of a good experience. It's been part of my healing process.

of the 7 people i've told, 2 were also abused as children, so there's not much they don't know, they've lived it. my mom has been really supportive about me seeking help, but the two of us don't talk about it much, i think because it was her brother. i have one friend who's amazsing, it's like she knows what to ask and when to shut up and let me talk. i wouldn't be doing as well as i am right now if it wasn't for her. and 2 people didn't really react to the news, they just sort of brushed it off. i mean, i know it's a lot to handle and i guess they care, but that hurt. so for me it's less of people asking too many questions and more of them not asking enough. or listening. i only have the one friend who really listens.

I put this up, because I told one person, and they demanded every detail from me, and I am not sure why and it really was embarrassing and it hurt to answer the questions, so I guess I am scared of it happening again

People will usually ask questions. I invite them to ask questions. Talking about it is the point of telling people, at least it has been for me. They usually will refrain until I tell them it's okay or they'll ask if it's okay to ask questions. I like the questions because it sometimes makes me think about things in a way I didn't before, or about a aspect of it I hadn't considered. That dialogue is very helpful and healing for me. Why was it so awful for you??? I've read about what happened when you told, but why was it so shameful etc???

You can set your own boundaries as to what you do and don't want to discuss. Do you know why you want to tell people? I think it is good to talk about the experience(s) but not everyone understands. This is a good place to "talk" about what happened because we do understand.

In my experience, people do not know what to say. You'll get people telling you that they are "sorry" that it happened, but it is often too overwhelming. They can't "stomach" it, or at other times they can't accept it. This is sometimes the case when the abuser was someone that they knew or were close to.

Tell somebody about it only when you are ready to speak about it. When that time comes, then set your boundaries. Tell people "I don't feel comfortable talking about it in detail yet". They will understand, especially if they are adults.

i've told b/f's in the past that i had "unresolved childhood issues" i usually say "i'm not interested in talking about it and i frankly can't at this point,...but i just want you to know that i was messed with as a kid"
i say it like that b/c i don't want to use the actual wording.
the two responses i got were... one thought i was full of it, but got really in the mood =/
and the other said, you really should talk about it.

oddly enough, the one that said i should talk about it was the one i said the least about, and hurt the most. i felt he took advantage of it.

where as the first guy simply didn't have the kind of reaction i had expected...he never DID anything in appropriate about it

i told a therapist once and stopped seeing her shortly b/c she was very aggressive about her questioning.

most ppl i tell are not pushy about it.
i've never told anyone else though...
just felt like my b/f's had a right to know.

I don't think all therapists are pushy like mine was.

i hope that is helpful. I'm sorry your feeling afraid to talk about these things. it gets easier for me little by little, i hope that it gets easier for you too.

I did when I was your age. and for the most part they only asked who. beyond that they didn't know what to say.

it may be different for your generation.