thats intresting. dint know that, all my friends are somewhat normal

this makes sence to me, i met my best friend around 4 yrs ago and didnt kno a thing, anout her but just stuck together and then found out she had been abused as a kid too, and didnt find this out till about a year and half after we had become friends
xxx
JJ

I have always been drawn to people with their own disorders. My ex husband was a Heroine addict, and I have had numerous friends with addictions and demons. I even used to work at a local very exclusive, ie expensive, private psych hospital. I ended up being asked to leave because although we were supposed to be friendly and polite to the patients, I was always getting into trouble for being too friendly and talking to them for far too long.

Maybe...I think people who have been through ANY sort of thing out of the norm have a certain type of empathy that regular people may not have (or as I say...people not educated about things outside the box) So maybe because of that extra empathy we can pick up on things that lead us to those who are sensitive like we are....?

That was interesting. I haven't heard of that fact. Makes you wonder though since you brought up at the end how victims end up in abusive relationships sometimes. I was in an abusive relationship in my early 20's but ever since then, I learned alot, never been in another. I think you learn as you go. We are all at such different point of growth. But I do think that abusive people know what they are looking for. I went through a period where I felt so lost. But I rather be alone than hook up with someone abusive. Now, that I've thought about it, almost all of my friends have been sexually abused. I don't look at that as a negative. They are all very compassionate women, sensitive, strong, etc. I looked at it as a honor that they confided in me. I guess I'm done rambling. Sorry I didn't make no sense.

I say that its true. I cant begin to tell you how many women I know who have been sexually abused and end up married to an abuser and/or put their children in the same situation they were in. Without trying to sound all mystical and stuff, I think we carry something with us, call it energy, a spirit, or whatever, I think everyone has one or more types and it draws certain people to us and us to them. I would always wonder if I was walking around with a sign on my forehead saying, "Ive been abused, Im vunerable." I say that because I always seemed to attract men who eventually were emtionally or physically abusive. Not sexually abusive, thank god.

i tend to think that abusers can recognize and abuse victim, as scary as it might be. but i was abused as a young child and then was raped when i was 13, and my therapist told me that it is very likely that abusers can sense your vulnerability, because i was just so upset that basically the same thing had happened to me twice and i didn't understand why he chose me. like i said, as scary as it might seem, i do think they can sense it.

I've been thinking more about this one. Previous partners have included a Heroin addict, a Gambling addict, an Alcoholic, a violent passive aggressive, a patched gang member, a bi-sexual man, and various other addictions and issues. I think its the same as how school bullies just know which kids to pick on. There have been times I was sure the guy I was with started off with no issues, so maybe its me that gives it to them all??..lol

I have no doubt an abuser can sense the vulnerability in a person. I am an abuse survivor and I can sense when someone is vulnerable - and I'm not looking for it. An abuser is looking for a vulnerable person - and they're pros at it. Someone said you know someone in the first 8 minutes - I think it takes much less time. Body language identifies a vulnerable person immediately - I think. So yes - they do find us easily. (did that make sense?)

Interesting thoughts. The 2 worst times I was raped where when I was at a very low point already, I used to think I had it tattoo'd on my forehead or something. I often suspect people have been victims within minutes of meeting them. As part of my job I often work with very scared people who are in a lot of pain. As a DA/Theatre Nurse a huge part of my job is patient support, and I get a lot of satisfaction from it. I can usually always talk the most nervous patients through an incredibly stressful time and often have them laughing. I love that I can be there to make a difference for someone in need, its an honor for me to be part of it all.

It makes sense i mean i was bullied day in and day out at school all through out preschool until i graduated from high school (college i tryed to stay to myself). Iv never been in a relationship so i cant say that they end up like that for your first relationships.