I had a pretty intense conversation last night. I was trying to call and Aunt of mine to chat. What I got was my cousin, a guy who is my same age and was very close to me when I was young. It is no secret on here that I was raped when I was 7 (I am part of the sexual buse group) This male cousin I was speaking to is the half-brother of the cousin who raped me. I started talking to him about life, I had not been close to him since I was a kid, I have often avoided going to Ohio where my father's family lives. I told him that if his brother ever said so much as hi to me that I was gonna punch him in the mouth. He said he understood and told me of how he saw what happened to me and how it messed him up. He said he saw his brother who was 13 or 14 at the time take me into the cornfield behind my Grandmother and Grandfather's home. When my older cousin came out of the field my male cousin who is my age said he asked his brother "what are you doing? she is our cousin!" This was a major thing to me. I have vivid memories of what happened, but as the years go by I wondered if I imagined it.... but here it was PROOF that it happened and a witness. I now know that what happened to me created 2 victims. My cousin who is my age went on to have his first child when he was 16. When people are exposed to sex too early a lot can happen, it writes on the slate of who they are. I am only 6 days from surgery and I feel like this is all coming together.. I found out some other shocking things of which i won't speak, but it seems to me that the thing that has caused me to build this aurmour of fat and flesh around me is getting healed and I feel I will have success not only because of the surgery, but also because i have no reason to be afraid anymore. I no longer have to feed that anger, feed that sadness, feed that fear. I can eat to live, not live to eat.

I AM READY FOR MY GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY