I was 14 years old, my parents were working all night leaving us with the au pair. I being 14 held a party, not good behaviour but typical teen behaviour. This is tough because i have never once talked about exactly what happened that night but i need to, i need to know if this was my fault. My neighbour took my little brother and sister to his house saying that it was not fair them being there when i was partying. Anyway after the party had finished and my friends all but 1 had gone home (my friend was staying the night) he came round said he was going to the phone box and had to speak to me. I went with him, i trusted him, we past the phone box but he kept walking, i asked why he just said i wanted to spend some time alone with you. i was scared but tried not to think the worst. Anyway we got to the garages and he asked me to kiss him, my heart was running so fast and i was really scared, i was not into boys in fact at that point i thought i was gay (i am not) i gave him a peck on his mouth, he said I will show you how to kiss properly. i knew how to but didnt want to but i did anyway because i was scared. Then he walked us home, that was it, it was horrible but thats all he had done and i was relieved.

Anyway later that night he came round through the back door asking if my friend was asleep, she wasnt so he went and i thought nothing of it. he cam back again later and i look back on it and i know i should have locked theback door but i didnt think clearly. He started to kiss me i was really scared, i was shaking as he lowered me to the kitchen floor. I told him i didnt want to, i said no but all he said was it would be alright. i felt a searing pain between my legs and his breath was on my face, i was crying and i made a small scream. I guess he didnt want to risk waking my friend so he stopped thankfully, but he asked me to masturbate him. I did i was scared and i didnt know what else to do.

the next day my parents came home i dint say anything, we were meant to be going on holiday soon and my punishment for the party was i was being left behind, my neighbour offered to have me, well i went to school that day and never went home. I have not been home since. I have kids of my own and i am 28 this experiance was 14 years ago and i still wonder if it really was rape, and if it is my fault. I need to find out, sorry. i have not talked abuot this before just said he had raped me but always not really sure if he had. I never went to the police and my parents didnt find out till 2 years after the incident.