Do you want her to know? If you are only concerned about how she feels - I'd wait until she mentions it if I were you. But if you have a need to discuss it for your own benefit - I would discuss it with her mother first. Do you know why you want to discuss this?

She is younger than i am and i feel that she looks up to me. I dont want to become really good friends with her and everyone in her family start telling her not to be friends with me, or not to believe what i say. I would never tell her, i just dont want to see her get hurt in the end. Her mom is a great person and treats me well, but again im constantly wondering if, really, her mother wonders if i know what happened?????

I think talking to her mom is a great idea. The only thing I would make sure of is that you are in a comfortable place when you do. Maybe on the phone, or invite her out for coffee or something so you're in a neutral place. Unless you feel comfortable talking to her at her house, then go for it. Then you can get the worry off your mind and it's like breaking the silence. Who knows? Maybe she wants to offer support to you but is unsure if she should bring it up or not for fear of offending you. Though, if you're feeling she's stand off-ish, be prepared for a negative response too. I'd say go for it. You did say she treats you really well and is a good person. Just remember, the thoughts of the mother don't necessarily apply to the daughter. If you do get a negative response from the mother it doesn't mean it has to kill the relationship with the daughter. If she's a good friend she'll be there for you to support you. Her finding out about her uncle probably isn't a bad thing anyway. God forbid he did the same thing to her, your confidence would be a great comfort to her.

Thanks for the help. i really appreciate it!!!

I like the advice u were given here and I have alot of compassion for your issue. I didnt always remember my abuse either, tho it took me some 28 years to have any memory of it at all. My experience discussing abuse is a highly sensitive subject and is difficult for even well adjusted people to respond to without some sort of predijuced. By all means be careful who you discuss it with, be prepared for highly negative reactions and do so only if you totally need to(you sould like you do)and nuetral territory is a must. My prayers are with you I hope your friendship becomes strengthened by your choice of action.

If it is really important to you for the right reasons, then i would take the good advise given here by others.

Do you think at this stage it is the right thing to do? Or do you think it would be better to let things go as they are and slowly let your friend you develop simple but not leading conversations in general about sexual abuse? I don't ussally come out with it with someone at risk. I ussally take the round about approach if i think they are at risk. Ussally in the a short period of time they open up to me without ever knowing my history. only after they have opened up aboutthe subject do I let them know about me and only at a minimal level.

Do you think it would be better to stay aware of the situation and focus on your healing?

If you think she is at risk then you need to do what you think is right.

I would only suggest that staying focused on your needs should be first and anything you do with her should be only if she really is at risk. and this may take time to figure out. I wouldn't want you to come clean only to have it blow up in your face and you loose a good friend.

good luck