You can get thru this.
You already have a start by knowing you did not cause the abuse and you didn't do anything wrong!!
Take Good Care of yourself!!!

This really hit me...i'm so sorry your going through this. I could really identify...i just want to be done with all of this =[
*hugz* but i've seen ppl come through the other side of this thing. I have to believe i'll get there too.

Thanks everyone. I jut got your post. I don't know what is up with that. Maybe I didn't know how to get into it. I'm new at this.

It seems like I will never get this. It seem like what happen to me will always ruin my life. How can I make sure it doesn't ruin my life ?

I have the opposite problem. I need to learn how to cry...

I really don't know what to say to that. Do you feel dead inside? Sometimes I do.

I feel the same as you in some ways, like will the night terrors ever end, the sleep less nights, the anxiety and so on. But im like nikki on the other hand. I fake my emotions to be like how they are suppose to be but really i feel "ok" all the time never good, happy sad, angry so on. (8% of my smiles are fake have been pretty much fake sense i was a toddler, my crysing same i can make my self cry when i need to but i donno why im crying, like a funerals i no its sad so i force myself to cry, today there was a child that died over the weekend i no its sad and i have felt like i have needed to cry all day, im attached to children anything bad happens thats when real tears come. so im in the middle of it all im lost, confused and tired of it all at the same time.

I feel like invisible does sometimes. I have had to make myself cry at funereal. That seems so weird when I should be sad I can't cry. My parents taught me not to cry in public so maybe that is on of the problems. Yes I fake many smiles but I am so tried of faking. I want to feel like it ok to feel the way I do. On the other hand I just want to get over it. I know what you mean about children. Every time I see something bad happen to children it make me cry. When I see a story about child molestation I get sad and Anger. Sometimes I yell. Why can't you leave our child alone. When I yell this I mean the child of the word. They are our future.

Once time I was talking and crying to my soulmate Cheri. I said to her I am soooooooo tired of crying these tears. I am so tired of feeling this emotional pain. It is draining. She said the most beautiful words to me that day, that to this day I still remember. She said, if you tell Little Jeanette to stop crying, you are telling her to shut up, not feel. Today I cry many tears. Today those tears are tears of compassion for the precious child I once was and how that little girl suffered so much. Cry those tears, you are feeling compassion for the child you once was. Yes, it is painful, but what is the alternative. For me it would have been to end my life. My abusers are NOT WORTH me ending it all. I am stronger then they will ever be. So I cry, I cry often and am drained by the end of the day. For me tears are now a blessing rather than a curse. The more I cry, the better I feel the next day. Like purging myself of the pain.

I am with nikkibeth. I do cry occasionally - but only when i get frustrated about things not going to plan. Otherwise, i just can't cry - about my pain or anger or sadness. I subconsciously block it. I want to unblock it, but am afraid.

You are not a loser! I am new to these feelings of anger and crying all the time too. It is good to release those emotions. I take a nerf bat and beat up my bed when I'm angry. I cry for the little girl inside of me who is hurt, mad, sad and scared. What have you tried to comfort yourself? Are you seeking any therapy?

I can cry at things that you are supposed to cry for, but when it comes to me and myself, if it has to do with me, I can't cry. Part of my abuse was that I was not allowed to cry. If I did the beatings or sessions would get worse. Someday I hope that that will change, but for now I wish I could cry.

My anger is a problem. I can be set off by something soooo small and unimportant, but everyone else around me will laugh or blow it off. And then that makes me mad.

Does anyone have any anger management that works for them? I go be with my animals, but that is not always available.

I cry when I hear his name or the name of the bar where it happened or when I hear about a birthday or birthday party cuz it happend in the alley behind a bar at my birthday party. I don't know how I will ever be able to celebrate my birthday again. I get tired of crying too. I was numb for a while right after it happened and I just want that back. I don't want to feel it anymore, even though I know I have to feel to get better. Seems like it would be better to be a zombie with no feelings for the rest of my life than to have to feel these terrible feelings and think these terrible thoughts.

Yes I go to therapy. She actually tough me to let myself cry. That seemed so weird to me. I grow up being told and aught to hide my feelings. My mom told me not to cry in public. Thanks AndiLinn for your word.

When this first happened I didn't understand why I should cry and why I was feeling so sad and mad. It was hard at first to let my emotions loose and feel out of control, but after I did I felt better and calmer. Why do you feel like a loser? You have recognized that you are not responsible for the abuse and that is a good step. How is your relationship with your mom now? My mom has always been cruel and my dad denies anything happened and refuse to acknowledge my feelings. Hang in there. Just remember one day at a time.
It is ok to feel rage and anger because you are acknowledging that you were abused. You are a decent person and deserve love and support.