Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I am in such a mood, I just don't know what to say. I'm sad, frustrated, my mind is going places that I don't want it to go. It just seems like I'm angry all the time and half the time I don't know why. I am in such a state of depression and panic at the same time. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to cause they would all just ask "why? how come? what's wrong? " There are just always questions to be answered and I just don't know what the answers are. It's me, It's my relationship, it's my marriage, it's my life, it's everything. I am so down, and confused. I just want to be held and not treated like a piece of meat. I wanna feel love, not play the actions of it, or have them played out for me. I want realness. I don't know how to ask, request or whatever for it. It seems like I'm begging. I don't want to be an object of someone's fantasies, I want to be their reality. I am human, I am woman, I have feelings, and I want to be treated and respected as such. It seems like so much to ask just to request respect. It seems like too much to ask just to want to be loved for who I am, what I am, not who I used to be, or what I may one day be. I don't know..........Things are so up in the air for me right now. I don't mean to ramble, I'm just so far out there right now. I don't know whether to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out, or to just completely lose it and start tearing the whole damned house apart. I want to do both at the same time. I am so frustrated with myself, my kids, my husband, my neighbors, my therapist, my dad, my gramma, everybody is on my shit list right now ,,,,,,, and why??????? I DON'T FUCKIN KNOW!!!!!!!! So how sad is THAT? How pathetic am I really???? It just seems like I'm not me anymore, I am a mother, a mother, a client, a statistic, and that is it. I'm not me. I'm just a blob that is just one speck of dust on this huge world and I don't mean anything to anybody. I don't know how to act, feel, what to say, what to do, I am so lost right now. My mind is drifting to the past and all I can think of is how I was used as a piece of ass, how I was used by adult men to fullfill fantasies, and I can't help but compare that with the present. Is that what my life is really meant to be used for???? just someone elses enjoyment to fullfill themselves in their sick little ways of life. for their pleasures? for them to just demand or expect me to fullfill their fantasies and be someone I am not? Am I expected for the rest of my life to just accept other's rights and put mine in the trash and forget that I have the right to be loved, respected, and treated like a human being with real flesh and feelings? I'm not barbie, I'm not bertha the fat woman, but I'm not normal or regular either,,,,I'm just a speck of spot on a big planet they call ........ EARTH.
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Most people with copd also have anxiety.....Dr.suggested taking meds for it.....does it help? Just wondering....
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
the number one thing i had to learn in order to push ahead with recovery was to accept the fact the abuse caused a lot of damage to me emotionally. no matter how well i functioned in the world, i still experienced all of what you said you are experiencing.
I my opinion the damage does not have to be perminant and life can be good.
Once i accepted the fact that the abuse had affected everything in my life and would continue to do so until became very proactive about changing how I ALLOW the abuse to effect me. Only this realization brought me to a point were i can reply to you and others.
The second and as difficult decision i had to make was. if i am going to be successful in this process that i would have to take care of me first and everyone else second. I had never done that in my entire life.
if i didn't make those choices I too would still be feeling as you do. overwhelmed and feeling like you are loosing control.
The third choice i made was to stop thinking of myself as damaged goods. I now live by this "i am hurt not broken". that is how I look at the abuse done to me now.
i know this was long winded and maybe not what you wanted to hear but it is intended to show you i do care.
By the way even the littlest spec can be the size of a planet if you look at it close enough.
take care and good luck
you have a wonderful treasure with your family and kids. IF you cannot change things for yourself it will affect them and how they relate to you.