PLEASE DO NOT KILL YOURSELF-- if you have children then try to get the help you need to live for them. Do not let them go through life without a mother or blaming themselves for not stopping you.

YOU WERE A VICTIM AS A CHILD--YOU WERE NOT AT FAULT--YOU ARE AN ADULT NOW-YOU NOW HAVE THE POWER TO STOP THE ABUSE FROM DESTROYING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. YOU ARE SELF TORTURING YOURSELF BY WANTING TO BE ANOREXIC. YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE A BEUTIFUL PERSON YOU ARE NOT ALONE.--THE HARDEST CHALLENGE IS FOR YOU TO TAKE THE 1ST STEP, NO ONE CAN TAKE IT FOR YOU. You have to face your demons. If that means facing the person(s) that abused you then you must do it.

From all the BS I have been through I do understand. With the med issue plaese let you doctor know. I did and I am now on Lamictal for my depression, it is really helping and does not have the weight gain side effects that the Zyprexa and Seroquel have. You are a very important person, to your husband and children. We are here to help and to listen and for support.

Last week I tried to kill myself for the first time in my life. Luckily, my husband caught on and talked me down.

Then next day my daughter hugged me for the first time. I keep thinking, if I had done that to myself, I would have missed that awesome moment in my life.

PLEASE DONT!! FIND SOMEONE TO HELP YOU!!!

Just think of your children. You might think you're doing them a favor, but if your not there, their chances of being abused will increase. And, if nothing else, you should live so that you can protect them. Thats what I've decided.

Horrible things were done to you. It's no wonder that you feel the way you do. I was suicidal for years. Came close a few times. Started to injure myself, including cutting. Don't hurt yourself. You are a precious person, and your children need you. I don't have children, just nieces and nephews. And for a long time, they were the only thing that kept me from killing myself. I kept thinking, what if they need me when they're older, what if I'm not there when they need me- and then they make wrong choices and put themselves in bad places? I will bear anything if it means I can help to keep them safe, or to be there for them if something bad does happen. Your children will only ever have one mother. They need you to be there and to love them and to guide them. And don't tell yourself you're doing a lousy job and they're better off without you. They will only ever have one mother, and you hold a special place in their hearts. Their little hearts will never recover if they lose you to suicide. Please, please, think of them and hang in there. Get therapy, and have the courage to deal with what that means. I don't care if your kids are 2 or 22, they need you in their lives. And if you're not perfect- well, who is? You are their only mother. Please bear the pain and do the healing work. For their sake if not your own. God bless.

Love yourself today right where you are at any weight. I understand completly. I donot think it is superficial.. as [people who have been abused we often turn tocontrolling our weight, either too much weight or too little becasue it is the only ting we can control. I willmiss you if you are gone. Look at every part of yu and love it.

I am sorry there is so much pain. Please do not kill yourself. I identify exactly with Zyprexa, I gained67 punds. and rnd78 has it right. tell your doctor. because there are other meds that work really well too but do not have that side effect. I spent a while on it and gaining the weight, I couldnt handle either with being anorexic and having such severe food issues. I know that that was one reason I was on Zyprexa but the rapid and severe increase sent me into really unhealthy food related behabviors that once I told my doctor, we stopped and have gone to other medication. It is just not worth it to on top of issues already had to have another issue from a medication. The makers of Zyprexa do have a healthy living prgram thing that I started with, it talks about balance of nutrition and exercise andsuch. I didn't find tha tprogram specifics all that helpful but the idea of it at lest helped me out of my obssession that I was in. I am right now, really struggling with food related issues. it is an addiction and one rule, one anyting and I am hooked. It is a life long battel and commitment. OA has been suggested for me for years for support with eating disorder but face to face I just can't do. but recently I have gone online and have began emailing with an OA pen pal. and it has really helped to be able to talk about anything. My shame and embarrasment of the strange habits and fears, anything. are relatable and this person, has helped me through and to keep going. And all I committed was to write everyday. nothing else. and to write anything I wanted or needed. Who knows what will happen but the idea of relating and someone relatin gto me and not laughing at me as my fear is, is really helpful. just like here on this site. keep writing and asking questions. we are here. my prayers are with you.