i understand completely my boys 7 and because of whats gone on in my past i do wrap him up in cotton wool i am gettin better to a degree but even if he plays in our street i make him take his mobile with him i wont let him go round to his skool friends for tea or stay out at his friends and i only allow a select few to babysit but i try to let him still have fun i let him have friends over for tea and sleep overs but what scares me the most is one day i am going to have to loosen the raines and let him have a life as i cant live it for him the only thing we can do is teach them that no matter how bad or big the problem is were always there to help and how to never put themselves in danger and to stay safe x x x

I understand you are going thru a tough transition. I found it difficult to let my daughter grow up when I was still finding myself. I, finally, had to trust that she would be o.k. b/c I gave her a solid base to fall back on when she pushed the limits.

Today, we have a great relationship. She's 36. When her daughters go thru the stuff she went thru, we laugh and relax b/c we know they have the same strong, solid base she learned from me.

U can only protect her so far, then u have to turn her loose. Trust she will make it o.k. and will come back to u when she needs your help. I told my daughter if she ever was in a situation that feels bad, she could tell her friends she is late getting home and has to leave right away. I, also, told her it didn't matter what time of day or night she ran into problems, she could call me to come get her. No questions asked. I was a single parent and when she was sith her Dad, she would call me if she needed help.

If you can't hug her, find little ways to touch her until you gradually feel safe to hug her again. She needs that more than your protection right now.

Hugs,
Deb

I have two daughters that are 10 and 11. I still panic when they leave the house, but I realize I have to let them go. not to far. I also have anxiety attacks in public. my doc put me on Buspirone and it is helping. Are you in counseling because that might help. good luck.

Ya'll may not agree with he way I handled the siuation wih my son and daughter, but I explained to them when they were about 10or11yrs old what had happened to me as a child and why I was so very overpotective of them. They are now 22 and 19yrs old , and we have an excellent relationship and sometimes converstions about when I first told hem. They thanked me for being so honest with them and said they knew why I was so over protective even if at times they got frustrated with me, they loved me and still do and they kinda ended up trying to protect me. Now they check up on me frequently, letting me know how supportive they are and will help in anyway they can. I love them with all my heart and would give my life for them. They are truly the best.

When I first read your post I didn't I could relate to a mothers love of her children. Never had any of my own. But after reading your reply I was very moved by how well relationship with your relationship you children is. You have had to overcome a lot and must be very strong. I realy admire you. To go thru so much and still become the loving person you have. That really say a lot for the type of person you seem to be.

In this day and age it is better to be over protective than having them end up in sites like this one. I wish my parents had been overprotective. Sure it is a matter of degree, but you have done a great job.

You are an inspiration.

I have tried to explain to my daughter and she says that she understands, but she is only 11. I hope one day that she will truely understand why I am so protective, but I still don't know how I am ever going to get thru her growing up? I know how frustrating this is and I just get angry with her when she wants to do something that I don't think she is ready for, God knows I am not ready for her to grow up, but at the same time I wish she could be 18, and on her own.

I can't take drugs to help with any depression or other issues. For myself for medical reasons I can not take perscriptions for very long, if at all.

I was just sitting here thinking that it was less than 10 years ago that the abuse stopped.....my daughter actually saw some of what went on!

I have tried to explain to my daughter and she says that she understands, but she is only 11. I hope one day that she will truely understand why I am so protective, but I still don't know how I am ever going to get thru her growing up? I know how frustrating this is and I just get angry with her when she wants to do something that I don't think she is ready for, God knows I am not ready for her to grow up, but at the same time I wish she could be 18, and on her own.

I can't take drugs to help with any depression or other issues. For myself for medical reasons I can not take perscriptions for very long, if at all.

I was just sitting here thinking that it was less than 10 years ago that the abuse stopped.....my daughter actually saw some of what went on!

I have a 14yr old girl.I also didnt let her out of my site.I have told her the truth.I know she understands that I am trying to let her grow up.I just have started to let her go places with her friends.I am so afraid that someone will do to her what was done to me.OR that someone will kill her(im serious Im not being a drama queen) Angie is my reason for life and living.She is my blessing.Im saying be honest with your children,maybe they can learn to be not as trusting as you and I were as kids.My reward came the other when Angie said to me "mommy I love our relationship" I know now Im doing something right.Read my journal in its a letter she wrote to me when she was 12.When she finally found out who molested me.
I hope this helped you! You are not alone.
Kathie