I think the hardest thing is to claim your anger. You have every right to be angry, it isn't just something to let go of esspecially anger towards someone who let you down so completely when you needed her. Just know that her lame way of coping is to try to blame you. She is wrong for doing it but that is just her way, accept that and then decide what you need to feel. If what you need is to be angry than be angry goddamnit!:) We never feel things for no reason, and our feelings are never stupid, honor them and led them work their way through you.

I agree with leelu, you need to be angry and grieve. As an adult you don't need your sick mother or brother anymore you can find people that like you that way you are with your angry

Wish I could wave a magic wand and make your mom "get it". I think leelu is right on-that your mom is coping. Sounds like she's got a lot to deal with but, at the same time, you need support and for her to understand.

no one can tell you when to stop being mad or how to stop being mad. it's up to you and when you are ready to accept that your mother wasn't really a mother and let her go. i know it's hard you just want to shake her and scream at her and try and make her understand. my mom sucks at supporting me and that's all i want to do. she sticks up for my brother all the time and it seem's as tho she "favorits" him. makes me sooo mad. but i have to take my own advice and just let her go. i don't want to because to me family is important but i have to relize it's not more important than me and my health. so when your read and that might take some time. but dont' force it. like leelu and the others said you have a right. don't give up your right of being mad. i know it prolly hurt's to be mad at her but it doesnt' measuer up to the hurt she has put on you. so sorry this is so long and i'm stoping and i hope this all makes sence to you because i just woke up from a nap lol and so ya. but i'm here if you ever want to talk ok. i hope i helped

Your Mom is just not getting it...maybe still in some form of Denial.

You have the right to be angry...and letting it go is just not an option.

Maybe consider setting some limits and boundaries with her...your mental health is of utmost importance.

I'd say get a good counselor, do lots of talking and lots of being mad, figure out what you really want to say to your mother, and then confront her. She probably wants you to let go of the bad things so you won't make her face what she did to you by not protecting you. By confronting her you can take back control. I think anger can become confidence.

It is correct and logical that if you didn't have a good attachment as a child you will look for it your whole life in the hope that once you will get what you so painfully missed when you needed it most. Thus you can't easily detach yourself and are waiting that your parents CHANGE, unless you have felt in your therapy how much you suffered because of your lack of attachment, and overcome this loss. Waiting for their change will only increase your dependency on your parents because usually they don't change. And even if they did, you still need to feel and understand the pain of the SMALL, abandoned and hurt child you once were so that you can understand and resolve your plight of today. As an adult you don't need abusive parents, not at all. Only in childhood there was no other choice.
Alice Miller

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I'm having similar issues with my dad actually. He and my mom thinks I should just "forget" about what happened at the blind school, but like I told them, I just can't do that.

I was in anger stage for awhile, but now I'm just at the crying alot stage, I guess.

The problem, is when other people look at you, they think you can just put the past behind you with the wave of a magic wand. My dad especially is the same way. I don't think its denial necessarily, because they know what happened, they just don't think you should dwell on it, and just suddenly forget about what happened, like we can really do that. sheesh.

Its just because they don't understand is all. They don't understand how traumatic it was for us to go thru it. What they don't understand, watching someone go thru it, is much less traumatic then actually being thru it, so your right, they will never understand, and if they tell you that, I'd just ignore what they say, thats what I do with my dad and mom, because they don't understand, and never will.

what does help me though, and I do have to say this, is talking it over with the Lord Jesus in prayer. It really does help a lot. Its kinda like, having your own personal counselor there to listen to you, not to judge but just to listen. Its like I tell people all the time, I don't have to see him to know that he's there. I just start praying, as if I were talking to myself, and I know he hears me, but the point to that, is it helps to get things off your chest, least it helps me anyway. also typing on the computer helps a great deal too, but not as much as just talking.

I don't always like to talk to counselors, as much as I do God, because counselors, even though they don't say much, ask you questions before your even ready to talk about things, and its like, well, sometimes its nice just to talk to someone who doesn't say anything back. it has helped me a great deal over the years get me past alot of those anger type stages.

i know the feeling