Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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How do you "work through" something??

deleted_user
deleted_user
I posted the message regarding how the abuse has affected my sex life w/ my husband. First let me say that all who responded, I found it very helpful I and I greatly appreciate the time you took to write your thoughts. I have a question though. How do you "work through" a memory? How do I "work through" disassociating during sex? How do I "work through" feeling ashamed or nautious for no reason when I am trying to make love to my husband? I don't understand how I am supposed to "work through" it? What does that mean? What do I do?
deleted_user
deleted_user
remember...you are not that person who is being abused. You are not that person anymore! No disrespect to what happened then but now you are a wife having a pleasurable moment with your husband...that's who you are in that moment...just focus on that! It may take some practice reminding yourself to live in present state but in time I think it will help.
deleted_user
deleted_user
To me, working through means doing a mental or even physical "stop"...recognize the feeling and where it is stemming from...even talk about it with your husband if you have to....and then remind yourself that the feeling isn't from something your husband is doing....it's from some SIMILARITY to something you've experienced before. The two things are very different. The INTENTION behing what your husband is doing/experiencing with you is different...and you may need to remind yourself of that. Get back into your body, into your head and remember who he is...and what you feel for him.

Talk, talk alot with him. If you need to stop making love just ask him to pause....take a deep breathe and talk it through while you are still joined if you can...or still emotionally connected. Talk through what is reminding you of what, what feels icky...see if you can maybe have him vary his touch or his pattern or whatever it is that is making it uncomfortable for you.

Work through it....recognize it, acknowledge where it is stemming from and while verbally and physically working with your husband work through it so you can accept his touch a little more each time with less and less instance of flashbacks.
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