Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

2,365 Members
15,966 Posts
2 Online
Personal Challenges
/ Sexual Abuse Support Group

How do you "work through" something??

deleted_user
deleted_user
I posted the message regarding how the abuse has affected my sex life w/ my husband. First let me say that all who responded, I found it very helpful I and I greatly appreciate the time you took to write your thoughts. I have a question though. How do you "work through" a memory? How do I "work through" disassociating during sex? How do I "work through" feeling ashamed or nautious for no reason when I am trying to make love to my husband? I don't understand how I am supposed to "work through" it? What does that mean? What do I do?
deleted_user
deleted_user
remember...you are not that person who is being abused. You are not that person anymore! No disrespect to what happened then but now you are a wife having a pleasurable moment with your husband...that's who you are in that moment...just focus on that! It may take some practice reminding yourself to live in present state but in time I think it will help.
deleted_user
deleted_user
To me, working through means doing a mental or even physical "stop"...recognize the feeling and where it is stemming from...even talk about it with your husband if you have to....and then remind yourself that the feeling isn't from something your husband is doing....it's from some SIMILARITY to something you've experienced before. The two things are very different. The INTENTION behing what your husband is doing/experiencing with you is different...and you may need to remind yourself of that. Get back into your body, into your head and remember who he is...and what you feel for him.

Talk, talk alot with him. If you need to stop making love just ask him to pause....take a deep breathe and talk it through while you are still joined if you can...or still emotionally connected. Talk through what is reminding you of what, what feels icky...see if you can maybe have him vary his touch or his pattern or whatever it is that is making it uncomfortable for you.

Work through it....recognize it, acknowledge where it is stemming from and while verbally and physically working with your husband work through it so you can accept his touch a little more each time with less and less instance of flashbacks.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • joannklingaman

    Grief

    Posted by: joannklingaman
    Last Reply: MrsMorris
    10
    A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
  • ainteasybeineazy

    It's my Birthday and no one cares

    Posted by: ainteasybeineazy
    Last Reply: karendee
    42
    Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...