Yes you can 100% you can recover from the abuse. I was sexually abuse by my father from age 4-11 and I had the same problem that you describe. I am over the abuse now and enjoying sex.

I have to use EMDR and Alice Milles books to get over. I don't have flashbacks any more.

If I can help you in any way let me know this is long process but doable if you have a good therapist.

I know what you mean. I have started dealing with my abuse recently, and have had to give up having sex because it just wasn't worth the hours it took me to scrub myself and everything they touched clean! I once even had to throw away everything they touched, even after I washed them because they still felt dirty! But I know I used to have a great sex life, and I believe I can have it again, I think sometimes we just need some time with ourselves to figure out how to feel safe, and what feels good. The thing that seems to help me when I'm in a stable loving relationship and I feel comfortable enough to have sex is to have my partner ask permission before he does anything. Taking it to an extreme degree of 'can I touch you here' 'can I kiss you there' and him waiting for the yes made a huge difference. I think the act of saying yes and meaning it can relax you and separates this time from times you meant or said no. Wish you luck :)

I'm kinda in the same boat you are. I've yet to have any sexual experience outside my abuse and it's always it the back of my head of whether or not I'll really WANT to have sex, much less enjoy it. And it's not so much the physical-ness of it, but for me it's the intimacy too. I mean, you're actually becoming one with someone. And because I've my abuse, I've always had trust issues and I never let people, especially guys, get very close to me. Physically and emotionally. So, you're not alone in these thoughts. I think them a lot too.

I am thrilled to read Camilian's post...HOPE!

I tend to zone out during sex, and am sometimes numb, KWIM??

But, I think you have to go THROUGH therapy...get on some good meds....and then there is also sex therapy as well...BUT, I think you need to work through the therapy first.

I have a real problem with this too. I'm 30 and I haven't ever had sex of my own accord. I feel totally frigid. I can't find any guy that is willing to wait or let me get to know him. My longest relationship lasted for three months and it never got further than petting. Which was weird because he wouldn't even kiss me since I told him I wanted to wait. I have gotten the idea in my head that all men are pigs and any would molest their own kids if they thought they could get away with it. I actaully think it's normal. Like mice... it happens so much, I think it's just society saying it's wrong and abnormal. Everyone I know has been molested. What is wrong with this world?

How do you move on and find a good relationship instead of all the guys that wont stick around? I'm tired of being alone and isolated, but I just don't see any way out of it.

There are good men out there. Caring, kind, respectful, supporters of women. There are men who are disgusted with the ones that abuse and hurt. I believe they are out there. I have to believe it.

Tantric healers can help with that.

What is tantric healing?

hey,
I too had problems with sex but as time goes by it should get better like it did for me. Find someone you trust and wont pressure you. take things slowly.
Keep telling urself while u are being intimate that it is good, pure, right and not dirty. Keep the lights on so u can look at ur partner and see that they are not ur abuser. keep urself in the present. Maybe ur partner can talk to you so that you can hear that his voice and him are different from your abuser.
Does ur partner know what happened and why you are backing off. Maybe u should tell them so they understand and hopefully they will be supportive.
Dont despair, it will get better. dont be hard on urself. best of luck

hmm... well, i have not reached a point where i have a healthy drive yet. i mostly went through the motions for years with my h, but didn't really enjoy it. now i have had a complete about face. i am constantly desiring sexual gratification any way i can get it. however i do hope that one day, i can have a nice healthy drive. i do believe it is possible.

Yes, you can learn to have a healthy sex life! You can do this through therapy that disassociates the negative experience with the positive that you want to have.

EMDR is a wonderful therapy that allows you to disconnect the memories and emotions of what you experience with abuse to what you are feeling in a concentual sexual relationship.

With love!