I'm not one of those people who can come anywhere near being in good graces with the person who ultimatly took my childhood and teen years and degraded and soiled them. My mom's brother was my abuser and my parents, who I'm estranged from, still party with him....they say you have to forgive. I have but I haven't forgotten the toll his actions took on my life then and up to this point. So I'm interested in what others have to say cause I don't have an answer for this and am just as curious for others answers....

I don't understand it either sorry cos I just can't fathom how you'd let yourself continue to be abused.

Time, therapy, age. It was my dad, it was over 30 years ago and life goes on. We're not "close" but we talk once in a while. Can't explain it really, but I'll be 50 in a couple years and my parents will be 80 soon and I'm not going to go to my grave letting this shit own me. I did my healing and everything I needed to do to get on with my life. Now it is NOT perfect by any means and I won't lie and say that it doesn't come up and bite me in the ass occasionally.....for example I JUST got diagnosed as BP II. But really, I want to LIVE, I have 2 daughters and I can't be a victim forever and I can't let this define who I am. It is and always will be part of me and it will always affect me....but like I said, it no longer owns me. So, once in a while I talk to or see my parents. We all know what happened and it lays there like a light fog, but that's reality. It is what it is.

I don't understand, either, why someone would have a relationship with their abusers. If I ever came in contact again with my abuser, well let's just say I'd be serving a life sentence in a maximum security prison. So I don't know how much help I've been, if any, but I'm right with the rest of you guys, no way am I ever going to establish a healthy relationship with that bastard.

Part of me never wants to see him again. Another part of me wants him so bad. I know if I saw him I would do whatever he wanted. I am ashamed to want him so badly.

I can see is online. I could chat to him. Should I?

i see my abusers alot BUT i dont have a very good retaionship with them i see them for another reason

People heal differently. That's all there is to it. Some of us heal by forgiving the abusers completely and trying to salvage a relationship with them, others heal by pushing the abuser out of their lives completely. *shrug*
For me, the person I now think I abused me... If it is who I think, I just can't hate him. He's paying the ultimate price for his sins now.

i agree with casualfriday thats for sure. i no who my abusers where i hate them for it i will never forgive them but i see them all the time for sertain reasons.

With me and my older brother we get along now and he has mended his ways. I always loved my brother before the abuse and I think that for me a day came and i asked myself what is it I want from him. Could he damage me anymore? Has he changed?

I realized that i had all I wanted from him. He was found out, he aplogized and he couldn't hurt me anymore. everyone knew, so i decided that what wanted was for the damage to our large family to stop over this issue. I know it is strange i never stopped loving my brother, i just wouldn't let myself feel it for a long time. In as much he definately was sick for what he did and i believe he is reformed. since me it has been 30 years and i have a very big family five bro. five sis. Our family couldn't keep a secret if a life depended on it. So in the end i just came to a point where healing the family was more important than always displaying open wounds.

My last reply: I referred to my brother and me. as for the rest of the abusers, i have no use for them and would never associate with them under any circumstances short of being a witness against them in a court of law. I wish them no ill will and i don't wish them any good either.

i just want to heal at this point. i've done all the crying, hating, drinking, blaming, and wanting to take my life. i want to live and be alive now. i want to love again. it is hard to imagine but if we can open our hearts anything is possible. it feels like the fighting and anger gets me nowhere.

amend to that grasshopper.

You are a very strong person justa.. I hide if I see anyone who knew me back then. I panic - I just don't know what I would do if I saw him now - I don't think that I would be able to cope.

I know for me, I wish no ill will to my abusers, I figure they will have to explain themselves when their time comes, however I can not say the same to the abuser of another child. It is a catch 22 so to speak, I can live with what was done to me, but I struggle with what I see and hear about being done to others.
Life is never black & white, it is always shades of gray, and this is a prime example of that theory. What I find even more heartbreaking is that people would destroy their lives by taking the life of their abuser, not that I don't feel they have it coming, but they have enough to live through and deal with, taking a life isn't something they need to add to the list.