I am a very strong believer and I can see how sometimes it is hard to believe. But i know he is there and with me.

There are times when I am in the dark night of the soul - faith but you can't feel it-

I think my abuse has been part of not letting me feel gods prescents for long periods of time.

My abuse has left me emotionanlly numb and not feeling connected to people so how could i feel connected to god. so I just have faith.

It's perfectly alright not to believe in God, if that's your choice.
I personally believe very strongly in God, and I have my reasons for that. But not everyone agrees with those reasons, and that's okay.
You have the right to freedom of religion, and in spite of what some certain idiotic presidents say, that DOES include freedom FROM religion. Several of the founding fathers were, in fact, Atheists. Several more were 'agnostics' like you seem to be.
If this is what you want, it's alright.
However, if it bothers you that you don't know what to believe, I encourage you to start exploring different religions. Buddhism, for example, does not depend on a God. Many Buddhists are also atheists.
Religion and belief systems are wonderful ways to find peace.
You can explore many different religions here:
www.religioustolerance.org

I should add, if you're on the depression boards, I wouldn't mention this to them... They're a bit infamous where religion is concerned.

Ooooo religion.....eeeew.
Do I have trouble believing? No, because I never did.

I'm not sure what to believe anymore. This is such a difficult question for me. I used to believe, I went to church every Sunday, I was saved and baptised. But now I look back and ask, If there was a God, why does he let innocent children suffer in the sick and demented ways that he does? Why do wars happen? Why do those women and children have to die in those wars? I just have a lot of questions of "Why?" that if he's real, I wish he would answer. The God that I know shouldn't put innocent children at the hands of dirty bastards to be toyed with and destroyed over time. For me, the answer is yes, I DO have trouble believing in God. At least in this point in time in my life I do.

Casual....lol....so true about THAT crowd. Good response btw. I've always said there are some things in life that are very personal and HAVE no right or wrong "answer"...period.

Interesting-I have a hard time believing that God is a man or a woman-more like a spirit-maybe not even tangible.

its really your own opinon right. Like im Roman catholic as well, baptized and all. But i havent gone to church or anything sense i was 4 years old (my father (preacher) moved to italy) so my family stoped going, stoped praying when i was 4 and a half 5. But i have gone to bible camp bible study, i do believe there is something out there i elieve in almost everything. But my opinon is there is some one out there that created us.
And the thing "stands back and lets bad things happen to good people" the creater probly chose us so we could try and make a difference or they gave us a life challenge its hard to say its just a thing that happens the creater cant stop sick people right.

I absolutely believe there is God yet I've struggled with it through life. I've been mad at God most of my life. I just couldn't comprehend a God that allows the destruction of innocence...and that has always been the sticking point for me. Abuse of innocent children! But when I look deeper..I realize I'm really saying I don't think there should be evil or anything "bad" in the world...words like "good" and "bad" would be meaningless because everything would be perfect...all the time. No opposites to joy or happiness. What I do know is I wouldn't be the person I am today without what happened to me (which would have been fine with me btw) but this was my destiny. My pain allows me to identify with others and have a compassion and empathy that wouldn't be impossible hadn't I walked the walk so to speak. It still doesn't make complete sense to me and I still don't like it but then I'm not God. Believe me I'll have a lot of questions if I get the chance..As crazy as this sounds, for me, it has provided meaning and purpose for my life. My vocation is tied to it. Despite all my anger and denying God in many ways for most of my life, I've always believed even though I didn't want to and have had a number of thing happen that I sincerely believe was God moving in my life. We all try to work out the God issue...some become atheists, others agnostics (where I was most of my life) and some believe. We all have the choice...I choose to believe. I just think it's a bigger picture than I can see. And btw..."church" and "religion" are man made creations...there is no doubt a lot of "whack jobs" posing as followers of God and God has been used to justify most of the worst evils the world has seen. But that is man's work. It's separate from "God" IMHO.

Well, personally I do believe in God, from what most consider a Christian perspective. However, I have to admit that the past few years I have struggled with my faith. I know the answers I would be given in regards to your question (bad things happening to good people) but it doesnt satisfy me anymore. I will always believe. I am just in a place where I need to find out what is truth for me. I agree that people should have the choice. Always. They should never be forced or argued or bashed because of anything they believe.

I completely believe in God. Not to say that I haven't had rough patches in my faith. I spent quite awhile being angry with God when I first spoke out about my abuse. I couldn't understand how a God that was supposed to love me so much could allow this to happen to me, as a child. But eventually I became so depressed and I stopped taking care of my body. I quit eating and lost 30 lbs. in less than a month. I realized that I was missing something. And that something was God. I dove back into my faith and haven't looked back since. I've learned that God never gives us more than we can handle and that by allowing me to deal with this, He must think that I'm stronger than I always thought. Sometimes I'm still knocked down by flashbacks and nightmares but praying and giving my pain over to God, helps me to get back up on my feet again. My God is very important to me. To me He is the Creator and Lover of all things and people. And I don't know what I'd do without Him.

after my expriance yesterday, I am defenantly back to being a believer - not that I ever didnt, but sometimes the big questions bothered me too.

I believe in an energy that is available if we care to hook into it. That is why I pray - to quiet my mind and allow that energy to come in and then I am clear - about what I am not exactly sure. I am able to cope better, have better direction, and have a much better knowledge of what is. I don't know why it happens - but it just does happen to me. That's the closest description I have of my God.

I have trouble believing. Had. I now believe. But I have an even harder time finding personal hope.

I believe in God, and it's not hard now because i have a relationship with him--he's not just a story, or an idea, but someone i know and who works in my life.

i used to not believe in God at all. In fact, i very clearly remember saying, "there is no God, because if there was, my life wouldn't suck like this".

I think He took that as a cue to show me I was wrong, because over the next 9 months, he totally got my attention. :) i'm so glad he did.

i know it's hard to believe when bad things happen, but the only way to avoid that is to control every one, and someone who loves you won't control you. but i can tell you this, He is right there willing to walk through anything with you, and to give you the grace and strength you need to face it if you'll ask Him to do that. He doesn't turn anyone away who is seeking after Him. In fact, the Bible says that He has given you an invitation, that He stands at your door and knocks, but won't come in until He's invited...He says that anyone who seeks him with their whole heart will find him.

your question is a good one because it's honest. now just be open for the answer that goes against common sense, the one that is in faith--isn't it possible that one who loves you is willing to not stand back and let things happen, but to jump in and care for those who are wounded by the wrong choices of others.

if you want to talk more, or have questions about anything i've said, write to me anytime. i will be praying for you that you find what you need. one good book that you will find sweet but also speaks directly to your question is "Hinds Feet on High Places". i think you'll know teh main character--she has many of your same questions--and you can find it at any major bookstore, or probably through amazon for about $3.00. it's well worth the time to read, and i hope you will. i think it will be a comfort and a source of hope for you!

with hope,
em