Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I don't know if I can, but I'm trying, and here's why...
I've been reading a book on weight loss by Dr. Phil, and I've been attaching my anger from the molestation to food. Sounds a little irrelevant to this board, but my point is that when I read this chapter on forgiveness, my whole perception of what forgiveness is has changed.
Forgiving people who have wronged me has always been extremely difficult because I've always seen forgiveness as admitting what they did was okay, but Dr. Phil basically just explained that forgiveness isn't admitting that you're weak or that your wrongdoer is okay, but rather, that you become enabled to "release yourself from the emotional prison of anger, hatred, and resentment" (pg 142) so YOU stop suffering from their actions, and so it doesn't "contaminate" every aspect of your current life from something that happened days, weeks, or years before now - and if you do let it contaminate you, then the wrongdoer wins from consuming your life with what they did to you. it's about forgiving to free yourself, get the power back, and to stay in control - to forgive for you.
Anyway, I'm not trying to get preachy or sound brainwashed, but for the first time in 15 years i feel hopeful to let go of the people and the situations where I have been hurt, especially towards my molester. I've always wanted revenge and wanted him to hurt and feel as fucked up as his actions have ruined my life - he was actually jumped a few months back and his face was badly mutilated which gave me a sick sense of street justice - but now I just have to find comfort in the hope that he will face judgement from God, who will settle accounts with him.
I've been reading a book on weight loss by Dr. Phil, and I've been attaching my anger from the molestation to food. Sounds a little irrelevant to this board, but my point is that when I read this chapter on forgiveness, my whole perception of what forgiveness is has changed.
Forgiving people who have wronged me has always been extremely difficult because I've always seen forgiveness as admitting what they did was okay, but Dr. Phil basically just explained that forgiveness isn't admitting that you're weak or that your wrongdoer is okay, but rather, that you become enabled to "release yourself from the emotional prison of anger, hatred, and resentment" (pg 142) so YOU stop suffering from their actions, and so it doesn't "contaminate" every aspect of your current life from something that happened days, weeks, or years before now - and if you do let it contaminate you, then the wrongdoer wins from consuming your life with what they did to you. it's about forgiving to free yourself, get the power back, and to stay in control - to forgive for you.
Anyway, I'm not trying to get preachy or sound brainwashed, but for the first time in 15 years i feel hopeful to let go of the people and the situations where I have been hurt, especially towards my molester. I've always wanted revenge and wanted him to hurt and feel as fucked up as his actions have ruined my life - he was actually jumped a few months back and his face was badly mutilated which gave me a sick sense of street justice - but now I just have to find comfort in the hope that he will face judgement from God, who will settle accounts with him.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
P.S. Love Dr phil!
Thanks for your support and kind words...it's comforting to know that forgiveness is attainable and even beneficial to my own recovery! God bless
I personally don't care for Dr. Phil or the term forgiveness. He's not an abuse survivor. What does a rich, middle age man with a huge ego know about being a female.
The healing journey is different for us all. If what he has to say works for you then that's all that matters. I'm glad reading his books has helped you find peace.
I'm working on letting go of the past. But I just think the term forgiveness is too loaded and too misunderstood.
sorry!
I think you misunderstood where I was coming from. We all have a right to our opinions and our feelings. As I said, do what is right for you. Dr. Phil's approach to forgiveness doesn't work for me. That's just where I'm coming from. If it works for you great.
I'm always confused by how upset people can get simply over a difference of opinion.