
Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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My family does not know that my older cousin abused me in the past. He will be coming into town for the holidays. I am just now starting to have flashbacks and remember all these terrible things he used to do to me. Should I take my kids and leave? It will be pretty obious, that I have a problem with him. i have alot of anger towards him. Their is no way i can look him in the face. I get a knot in my stomac, and i tense up thinking about him. I get mad like how could my family have no clu of anything that went on?? I am so in tune to my kids? I am so over protective now too! Any way, of course I am going to leave. But I will look like the bad one!! this isnt fair!!!
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sorry if that suggestion didn't help...
Your kids will be at risk if you stay, make no bones about it.
We owe no explanations. So, you don't have to tell your family if you're not ready to.
I disclosed to my family about the incest when I was in crisis, and it was a horrible situation. They were NOT supportive and I wasn't prepared to deal with their rejection and cruelty. So, I would seriously ask yourself if you are prepared to deal with your family's response, whether it is supportive or not. If the answer is no, then perhaps you can just make your excuses. Say you're sick and have to go home.
Are you getting some counselling? I hope so, because I know how devastating these flashbacks can be.
You take care of yourself...and remember, you have done nothing wrong.
If you don't want to tell your family about the abuse AND you still want to join them for the holiday celebrations ... then you could make your cousin cancel.
Call him and tell him that you remember what he did to you and that you're not going to keep quite anymore (he doesn't have to know you won't tell anyone). Tell him that if he comes, you'll tell the whole family. Inform him he needs to make up a good excuse to NOT be there and NOT to come. Family celebrations are for loved ones ... and he's not welcome.
You can also write it in a letter if you don't want to speak to him directly. Make him own the shame for what he did ... you shouldn't have to!
Have you considered telling the police and looking into having him charged? This is an option, if you think you can handle it.
I guess the most important thing here is to...as others have said...not carry his shame.
I did, however, have to see him recently because my grandmother passed away. It was extremely hard to see him and know that he was there and most likely watching me. It made the situation a thousand times worse. If you can avoid it, the I'd do so.