Last year my family and I went to Denver for my grandmother's 80th birthday. We had a cookout up in the rockies at my uncle's cabin and eventually my grandma and my dad (her son) went for a walk just the two of them. We rarely get to see our family because they live so far away so it was really nice that the two of them got a chance to spend some time talking.

When they came back my dad pulled me aside and said he had something he needed to talk to me about. He obviously didn't want anyone else to know. He told me that she had just told him that she had been sexually abused when she was a child. She was 80! And had never, ever told anyone. Not her parents, not even her husband. And the only reason that she told my dad was because 1. She just turned 80 and was starting to feel her mortality, and 2. Knew she could tell my dad because she knew about my abuse and she knew he would understand.

She told him that he could tell me about it. I still haven't gotten the chance to talk to her about it, because obviously she's never really talked to anyone about it.

The first thing that came into my head when I was told about my grandmother's abuse was: oh my gosh. Is it possible that this can run in the family? If I go back further in my family history, will I find more child abuse? Would I be putting my children at risk if I ever have any?

And I want children more than anthing. It's something that my heart longs for. Being a wife and mama is something that I want so, so bad. Does this mean I shouldn't have kids even though I want them?

I want to believe that I can protect my children from this better than most parents because I HAVE been abused. This is what my plans of being a parent are.

I just want to know what others think of this.