No, you don't have to forgive to heal. If you don't feel like you can forgive, then you don't have to. Healing is something that you do for yourself. You can heal and still feel angry about what happen. Healing to me means not feeling like a victim anymore, being able to trust and love again after what happen. Besides, all wounds that heal leave a scar, even if it fades over time, a scar would still be present.

My answer would be no, because I feel that forgiving is in a way excusing what they did. I think that as time goes on maybe it might be easier to not hate that person as much, but I believe that only comes in time and when you grow stronger. I dont think I will ever be able to forgive the people who robbed me of life.

hey i agree with both of them. people are diffent and their stories are different, some people are able to forgive and some people arn't. each person is differen and weather or not they want to forgive the person is up to only them not anyone esle because they don't know what really happend and what your going through but you. i will never forgive my brother for what he did i don't think what he did should ever be, he put me through hell and he still is even tho he isn't here. but if you think that being able to forgive will help your healing you should but if you don't think it will then don't. listen to your body and what you feel is best for you to do. best of luck.

When i forgave my offender I forgave for me because hating them so much was eating me alive. I never told them I forgave them. I did not for give what they did to me or accept it. i recognized their humanness and that at the time or times of the abuse they were doing the best they could. IT WAS WRONG. I can not live my life hating them. I never see them but forgiving them freed me to love myself more

You dont have to forgive.
I was raped he never asked for my forgiveness.
I've long since healed but never forgave him and he's in prison.

I don't think we ever really forgive or completely heal. I just think we tell ourselves that we have forgiven because believing that somehow makes us feel we are better people; temporarily boosting our deminished self estemes, and making us feel normal for a while. Why do we do that!? We've done nothing wrong and we owe them NOTHING! What really helps us to heal is to prove to ourselves that we can be strong and survive our pasts. Saying to ourselves, "I forgive", won't do that. Crying feels good, but that's only temporary too. We have to find what empowers us to love ourselves, embrace it, and move forward.... turning around just long enough to spit on your past and say, "look at me, you can't touch me now!"

What is forgiveness? Am I giving my mother and her husband a pardon for not accepting responsibility for ruining the hopes and dreams of a young child?
They live in their own hell. They are miserable people that have no happiness except for a cat.
In realizing that, it is "forgiveness" enough for me. I don't have to forgive him or her. I don't have time to figure out what forgiveness acutally is I am too busy trying to put my life together---STILL>
Oh Yea, The man I should be forgiving is getting arrested next week for molesting two more pre-pubescent girls.

Thanks guys, I was told by several people including a counselor and a minister that a part of my healing would include forgiveness. I did that, I ended up abused again. I think forgiveness right now has to be for myself. Forgiveness for the anger and the awful thoughts that I have.

I think it is possible to heal without forgiving, however I have no proof of that, since I have not been allowed to heal. Just when I think I have, I am abused again.

I AM SORRY, I DONT FEEL YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE..SINCE MY ABUSE MY DAD HAS DIED, AND HE DID SO WITHOUT SAYING IM SORRY...I STILL HAVE MY BROTHER WHO IS NEAR AND I HATE HIM MORE THAN LIFE ITS SELF...I HAVE A HARD TIME FORGIVING MY ABUSERS FOR TAKING FROM ME A CHILDHOOD THAT SHOULD OF BEEN FULL OF LOVE AND CARING....BUT THE CHOICE IS YOURS

you cant forgive someone who made us turn into different people altogether as supposed to what we were born to be. someone who broke our trust when we were the most vulnerable, when we were building our trust in this filthy world. how can we forgive them. as for my abusers they are living around me wihout a bit or remorse. last yr my brother in law whom i stopped talking to yrs ago after the abuse, called me up and said why dont you come over and stay with us for a while or are you still afraid of me. i mean how disgusting is that. how can i forgive him. they dont get it they r ready to do it again and again. i cant and i choose not to forgive them. maybe that is a first step in my healing coz i can have the power to choose not to forgive him i have the control to do so.

Trishay...I forgave my dad...for the abuse when I was a kid..and I reunited with him...I trusted him again..I loved him again...I believed he had changed...and 3 years ago after I broke my back and was unable to move...he abused me again...forgiveness ..can be healing for some...and dangerous for others..I listened to my councilor and my minister.

The forgiveness I needed?? was for myself..I needed to forgive the little girl inside that didn't know what to do when her daddy did the bad things...I needed to forgive myself for waiting so long before I told any one...so many things I needed to forgive myself for

Now?? I need to forgive myself for forgiving...=Z pretty crazy huh??

no it makes sense totally. not crazy . in my religion they say you have to forgive yourself first then only you can forgive others. i never knew what that meant. now after what you said i can relate to it.

Definitely not in my opinion. Because it is an individual decision. i really hate hate hate how much forgiveness is pushed as such a cornerstone, so essential to healing. i'm sure it really feels right for some people, but for some people it doesn't feel right. i think that's an individual decision, and you have every right to decide not to forgive.
i can't forgive. i won't forgive-for me that would be going backwards in my healing rather than forwards. i'm finally strating to put the responsibility where it belongs-on them.

I don't think you need to forgive to heal, I can't forgive someone who took my childhood away.

I forgave mine on his deathbed and he knew i was there,I even held his hand to let him know it was me.and i told him that i was going to forgive him ,he held my hand so tight it hurt.The reason being i didn't want him to die forgetting what he did to me from age 6-16.I will never forget any of it.