You don't need to forgive him un less you want to my advice is if you con front him alf someone with you for surrport

Maybe comfronting him, would help you to forgive him.

Each person is different as to how they feel. I never had the chance to confront any of my abusers. I did speak with my adoptive mom about her natural son abusing me. It did make me feel good, but, of course, it made her feel horrible. I do not think she believed me, though. I do not have anyway to prove it to her as her son has since died.

I can understand why you hate your father. I have a question, though. How did you come to realize that he abused you?

hi blonde1,
i have been suspisious of him for a while and with my mom abusing me a few things he said didnt add up i started getting memories and flashbacks with him doing things which i know happened but didnt realise it was him.

I did confront my mom yrs. ago, she didn't sexually abuse me but physically and emotionally. It made me feel better and she was diagnosed with cancer 2yrs. ago they gave her 5yrs. We have since worked through our issues and I have forgiven her. I think it's only because she has finally owned the pain she caused me and about not protecting me. As far as my other abusers No I have not forgiven them. I don't know if I ever will and that's o.k. I don't feel the need to. I can move forward without doing that I already have. I recently did confront one of my abusers and it felt scary at the time but now I'm glad I did it. I still have my bad days but most are good. I did have the support of my sister at the time I confronted him so I would agree to have support with you at the time cause alot of emotions come up when you do that. I was shaking all over and I'm glad I had her to hold me up. I say forgiveness is up to you and no one else. You choose!

If you are to forgive him it has to be for your sake not his.
Forgiveness also has to come at a time when you feel emotionally ready for this huge step. You can't possibly put a time scale on that.
Good luck and stay strong.
Mandiex

I personally believe that forgiving is a necessary step in healing. But it is a trap also. I think you need to decide what it means to you to forgive them. Does it mean forgive and forget. for me no.
to forgive them means you have released yourself from being acutely tied to the torment and holds you back from moving beyond the abuse.

Forgiveness is different for everyone. I forgave because it was good for me not them. Do i forget - no way - So i forgave them for me to empower me over what they did.

But it is different for everyone.

Forgiveness i think is a very nebulus term in some respects with no clear definition.

If forgiving helps you heal then I am for it.

o.k. Now that I understand how you discovered it, I can say this....I too, have had flashbacks and they are terrible! These flashbacks did not go away after I confronted my mom. But, I believe a confrontation is necessary for YOUR healing process. You probably will not like the response you will get from your father. It may even leave you frustrated at first. But, as with myself, it may help you find a type of "balance" in your life that may help you move forward.Please read my poem on my journal. It may help you understand how I have become to feel about the abuse done to me. I hope it helps. God bless!

I'm guessing the hate is tearing you apart. I hate my abuser too. I'm not sure if you are religious. I am but I didn't like the sermon in church yesterday as I think it was directed at me. The scripture was Matthew 5:43-48. It was all about forgiving your enemies and those that have wronged you so that you can move forward. I'm still struggling with this. I wonder if you never say anything how you will be able to move on with your own life.

We really can't tell you what to do here. It's up to you, what's best for you. Do you think that you need to forgive him to move on, or to confront him to move on?

i think you need to confront him then maybe you could forgive him. but you are the only one who can decide this. personally i think you may regret not confronting him if the worst was to happen. but thats just my opinion i to found outabout my father abusing me as a child. and am considering confronting him. although i do not have oontact twith him as of this moment because he has never botherd with me. but i know i will regret not confronting him im just building up the confidence to do so.
hope it all works out for
big hugz xx

I don't think that the old forgive and forget type forgiveness is necessary, but I do believe that we must all learn to put the hurt back into the hand of the abuser... in our minds, THEY must own the hurt, not us.

This, I believe is important to our healing. I am not willing to forgive my father for my abuse.

You can not do this because he is sick or dying.. You must do this when you reach the point in your healing that you are comfortable wih it. If you feel you must confront him then by all means, do that.

Love and Light

I forgave my father but I did it for me sure as hell not for him. It was one of the hardest things I have done, but for me it was the start to my healing I still have a long way to go but at least it was a start. You can forgive someone and never forget what they did to you.
You are in my thoughts and prayers

in the bible jesus said any one who abuses a child is dead..not in those words..but rather you confront him or forgive him,,he's going to his finial hearing,,where,,he will have to answer to god,,nobody to mess with....i know what you're going through sort of,,i tried to forgive my abuser,,and he just started abuseing me in different ways....you can''t fix him either way,,do whats right for you...okay..

Hey,
I think it is totally up to u to forgive and not for anyone else to pressure u into. It would be hard for u to forgive ur dad if he hasnt acknowledged what he did or said sorry. Maybe u should think about confronting u dad to give urself peace of mind. Even if he denies it or doesnt react positively you may empower urself by confronting him which could help with ur healing.
Good luck with it all.