Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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Can't open up...

deleted_user
deleted_user
I have a really hard time with this sometimes. My boyfriend right now knows that I was sexually abused when I was little, but he and I have never really talked about it much. I'd really like to open up about it, especially because it's been on my mind lately. (Nightmares have been flaring up again) The problem is, I have no idea where to start or what to say...and I don't want to drag the past into everything and I don't want to upset him, but I feel like this is something we should talk about. I can't help but feel guilty whenever the subject is sort of approached. But for openness and honesty in our relationship (I can't mess this one up!!!) I think we should really talk about it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hmmmm. When in serious relationships i never told the guys my experiences in life. They jst knew I had a wicked past, if they wanted to knw more,i wouldnt share it. As when i did share it with a guy i loved dearly, he really was shocked at such happenings. I didnt wnt his sympathy, jst understanding. I felt tht it was my stuff and tht he didnt hve to knw everything abt me, well not tht anyway. But everyone is different, and he still waits for the day when i take him bck into my life.While im going thru my healing process, i have choosen to be single.I wish u the best in whatever choice u make.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wait until you both aren't busy, see if he would be willing to talk about it, if you are ready. Ask if he would mind just listening, if he would mind shutting off the tv, explain the way you are feeling and tell him how much it still hurts you inside and that is why you need to talk about it. If you don't get it out, and you feel you need to, you may be just hurting yourself. If he is willing to listen, then I think it is okay to open up. If you try to open up to him, and he seems uncomfortable or you feel uncomfortable, I wouldn't divolge(?) things any further.
geordie1
geordie1
If you are in a relationship that is strong and stable thenask him if he could listen to you.
Tell him that he may not like what he hears but you need to talk it through.
Talk when you can both give it your attention 100% not in a hurry to do something else.
Tell him how much he means to you and that is the reason that you want to tell him about your troubled past.
Tell him that you are not after his sympathy but that he needs to understand why you may do certain things or flinch when he does certain things.
If you can tell him what triggers you it will help him to avoid these triggers.
Good Luck
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've never given my husband details of anything. I think it's enough that has a general idea of what happened so he can support me but I have no need to fill him in on everything. Hope this helps.
deleted_user
deleted_user
BABY STEPS. especially if your boy friend has not been exposed to abuse or educated on abuse. This can be very tough stuff for a anyone not fimilar with abuse and it affects. talking and opening up is a great step and path to be on.

Talk with him and not him and maybe a little at time.
counseling for yourself could be the best advise becuase your situation is not uncommon and a counselor could better advise as to how to work with your boyfriend to help him grow and work thru the pain with you.

good luck. AND REMEMBER I AM NOT A COUNSELOR AND THIS MAY NOT BE THE BEST ADVISE FOR YOUR SITUATION.

BE STRONG.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think another thing that throws a wrench into things is the fact that it's a long distance relationship, so most of our contact is over the phone...and that makes it all the more difficult to approach subject matter like this.
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