Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
The Background:
So, I'm dealing with the police, they're finally investigating my father (he raped me for about six years- until I hit puberty at about age 12). My family doesn't believe me. He denies the rape, although he owns up to the years and years of forcing me to shower (he was obsessed with how I smelled, I didn't like to shower, he would strip me down and litterally throw me in the shower. All the while I would be screaming, crying, yelling "no daddy, no".). My mom would watch him, my brother remembers me screaming and crying. No one thought anything was wrong him doing this to me. My family is currently ostracizing me. They make my father out to be a saint. If I say anything negative about him, they jump down my throat. My earliest memory of my father is of him cussing, he looses his temper and yells. The man isn't perfect or anywhere near. Don't get me wrong, he's done good things. But they act like he's never done anything wrong and if I point out things he's done wrong they act like I'm the vilin. On top of this, I had to become an adult at 15. I'm 18 and most of my friends are still kids. Or teenagers at least.
The Problem:
Normally I'm not in touch with my anger at all. Lately, I've been angry and frustrated almost all the time. To blow of steam I journal, blog, and talk to friends. At the end of my rants, I've run out of anger and I feel so... hurt and sad and I get so depressed. Everything I've been through, all the bad in my life just hurts so much and I feel so bad. I know I'm angry so much cause I've tried everything else, all the other reactions. I've gone down the list of possible reactions and tried them all and so now I'm left with anger. So now I'm just angry and hurt all the time. I guess the anger is to cover up the hurt? I just don't know what to do.
So, I'm dealing with the police, they're finally investigating my father (he raped me for about six years- until I hit puberty at about age 12). My family doesn't believe me. He denies the rape, although he owns up to the years and years of forcing me to shower (he was obsessed with how I smelled, I didn't like to shower, he would strip me down and litterally throw me in the shower. All the while I would be screaming, crying, yelling "no daddy, no".). My mom would watch him, my brother remembers me screaming and crying. No one thought anything was wrong him doing this to me. My family is currently ostracizing me. They make my father out to be a saint. If I say anything negative about him, they jump down my throat. My earliest memory of my father is of him cussing, he looses his temper and yells. The man isn't perfect or anywhere near. Don't get me wrong, he's done good things. But they act like he's never done anything wrong and if I point out things he's done wrong they act like I'm the vilin. On top of this, I had to become an adult at 15. I'm 18 and most of my friends are still kids. Or teenagers at least.
The Problem:
Normally I'm not in touch with my anger at all. Lately, I've been angry and frustrated almost all the time. To blow of steam I journal, blog, and talk to friends. At the end of my rants, I've run out of anger and I feel so... hurt and sad and I get so depressed. Everything I've been through, all the bad in my life just hurts so much and I feel so bad. I know I'm angry so much cause I've tried everything else, all the other reactions. I've gone down the list of possible reactions and tried them all and so now I'm left with anger. So now I'm just angry and hurt all the time. I guess the anger is to cover up the hurt? I just don't know what to do.
deleted_user
I really wish I could give you the right advice that would allow you to feel what you need to feel and how to get through all of your hurt, unfortunately I don't really have much advice. I do agree with the fact that your anger is to mask your pain in some ways and in other ways it could just be anger. You have a right to be angry and you have a right to hurt, the only thing I can tell you in that you need to seek professional help, if you already haven't, and get in touch with that pain and that angry. Unfortunately in order to make it through the pain you have to face it and feel it. It's going to be rough and I'm so hurt to know that you don't have the support of your family, but I hope that you have the support of your friends and find some support here on DS. Support is really needed to make it through. I wish you nothing but the best in your recovery process and I hope that the truth of your past will come to light and your father will pay the consequences for his actions. HUGS!!!!
deleted_user
i get the whole anger n frustration i get it when i get nightmares n daymares i call them it throws me right into left field,n my abuser was my uncle but i get the whole uncomfortable thing i have been getting some memories back n i too have one of dreading having showers n baths at my cousins house 2,it was second home n that bastard predator used to use the excuse as the toilet had a slide on door that was actually positioned in the bathroom n i always was in fear with his peering eyes watching me,i was always in a rush to have a shower or get dressed quickly cos that sliding door would always slide open with that creeps eyes or open the bathroom door just a tiny bit n he could see in the huge mirror they had in there,i think back now i what i went thru n its tough seeing it as an adult only repulses me more as before i tried to block it out but now my mind just doesnt let me,i am building up to reporting my abuser nothing will happen but im doing it just to get my little girls voice back,all the best jac.
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