Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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Advice, help, anything, please

deleted_user
deleted_user
I was molested by family members starting at around age 7. My grandmother knew about this and never seemed to care. I tried telling my mother, she told me to "stay away from them." The abuse continued until I was 16. I am 33 now and for whatever reason this has started to really bother me and I cannot figure out why. I understand that what happened was a bad thing, etc, but what I don't understand is why I feel so bad. It seems that this is all I can think about. Most of the time I am so full of rage and anger that I scare myself; other times I am so sad and depressed. I literally feel like at times I could seriously hurt someone. It seems that there is something missing, something that I am not getting that will explain all of this and I will be able to return to my normal self. I am so confused! I don't know what to do honestly. I can't talk about this; even saying the words aloud makes me start shaking and I feel like I will pass out. I can write about this to my fiance but I am afraid that eventually he is going to get sick of this crap. He tries to bring it up in conversation but I just freeze up and never say what I really want to. And then sometimes i really want to talk about it with him and I am unable to even say the words. What am I missing here? I feel like there is that ONE thing that I am not getting that is the answer to why I am feeling this way but I am just not getting it. Does this make any sense to anyone? Any advice???
deleted_user
deleted_user
don't know if this makes sense, but i believe when we are abused, we lose aour childhood innocense. as adults we grieve for this. thats how i see. i am sorry u have to deal with this. 16 years of age is a difficult time just in that. hormaones are raging. Feelings are upside down inside out. and this activity seems like it is normal. u lost your childhood because u never had the chance to be a child and adolescent. i took the time when i discovered what happened to me, to feel every emotion possible. i cried, was depressed for a long time. allowing yourself to mourn for this tragedy is necessary to overcome this part. i hope this helps. probably confused u more. let me know
deleted_user
deleted_user
The last guy I dated cared more about my abuse than I did. He kept telling me he wanted to be there for me and help me through it. But I'd already been through it. I'd dealt with it and was really getting past it. His way of "helping" was really him trying to fix to me. But you can't fix what's not broken. I'm not sure if you still FEEL broken. Maybe you should ask your fiance if he's wanting to talk about your abuse because he's uncomfortable with it or if he just wants to be closer to you by talking about it. If he's wanting to address it because he wants to be there for you, that's fine. But if he's wanting to talk about HIS possible issues with it, that may not be the best thing. No matter what, you have to do what's best for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
wow. you have a lot going on. This is just an opiniion based on my own experience. I too went many years just ignoring what happened. And with me too it I started to feel as you do in my 30's.

Abuse is a strange thing when it comes to the subconscience mind and how children process the experiences. I believe you are starting to step out of denial and this is your minds way of saying hey it time we dealt with this. I can't hold it in any longer.

As bad as it is for you it may not be a bad place to be if you reconize it for what it is and realize that unless you deal with it- it will affect everything in your life and i suspect it already has.

As to your finance. I was married to a women who i still consider my soul mate.
Becasue niether her or i dealt the abuses in our life. it cost us our marriage. We where both very open about it with each other before we got married.

I know you seem scared and confused right now and that really sucks.

The only comforting words I can give you is. If you deal with this now in a healthy way it will get better. Letting it eat you up (i know it is hard not to let it) will only cause greater damage.

Coming to this site is a good thing and asking for help is also a good thing.

Don't let this thing take anymore from you.

please take care of yourself.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't Know if this helps but I used to feel the same way,always thinking that it was my fault somehow.If your fiance is willing to listen maybe you should talk to him it will probably help.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I too thought that I had put away many issues, and even forgiven but just when I think things are fine, I can start having bad dreams or intrusive thoughts. Your not alone, it is a bridge we all cross off and on.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I highly recommend a book called On The Threshold Of Hope by Diane Mandt; not too long, gives an excellent overview of what happens to people who suffer such abuse, esp. as children, what it takes from you and how to reclaim your life. Check it out on Amazon- you can read a bit online. You can feel better, my prayers are with you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My therapist told me that when I am feeling vunerable my inner child[As we talk about the hurting child inside of me] Takes the time to come out to express her needs. My therapist tells me to tell her you love her and your sorry you couldn't protect her and make her a nice cuddly safe place back inside you .Children don't process pain and fear very well so they bury it.It builds as the abuse goes on till you have this big huge angry assed child wanting you as an adult to take care of business.Usually at the worst times.It is time you got help,thats not so hard. There are so many adults walking around with angry children inside them it should be called an epedemic.
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