abusers are not always older. in some cases, they are younger. abuse is abuse, it doesn't matter what age the perpetrator was at the time.

i'm not an expert, but it might also be because he might've:

1) been being abused in his family
2) seen his parents or someone else doing these acts

i work with children grades K-3 and i was taken aback when a few children came up to me telling me what their parents do...or what their parents tell them.

these children mimic the acts of what they see...it's still wrong and someone should've corrected him.

i highly encourage you to seek a therapist...you have nothing to be ashamed of. blaming yourself is normal. i do it, too...

i'm here if you ever need to talk... =)

You are speaking volumes to me. I can't believe I read your entry. it is so much like my story. I was abused by neighbor boys (2). There was an older boy also involved but I have blocked out a lot of it. I too feel alot of the same feelings. I am in therapy but I am so embarrased to talk about it. The thing is, I sought out their friendship and was willing to do ANYTHING for it. I wanted so much to belong.
So, if you are crazy, then so am I and I really hope that isn't true.
Thanks for sharing.

So sorry you are so upset and confused and hurt. It is a terrible way to feel and a confusing place to be. For what it is worth you are not alone.

You asked so i am going to give my 2 cents worth. A lot abusers are not older. I have no doubt that you were abused base on your post. It seems you are confused about whether you are some what responsible. I think you need to leave age out of the equation. it has no baring on this or not.
I know you feel it does but it really doesn't. I think you need to ask yourself some questions like who started it. It sounds like him to me. Did you want him doing what he did at the time. I doubt it. If I was responsible then why do i feel so abused and bad about it.

I think i you ask yourself a series of questions like that it may help to clear up some of your confusion and help you on the road to recovery.

I don't personally know of any surviors that didn't feel quilty or responsible for what happened. I think it is totally a result of the shame and all the rest that makes us feel quility.

feeling quilty and responsible is all part of the abuse. It is what it does to us. Realizing this was a hugh step forward for me.

But i am not a counselor and I think you should consider one. I am sorry that this sounds like advise but when someone asks I don't know how to word it. So please do not be offened - this is just my opinon and you really need to sort it out for youself and deside what is best for you.

oh thank you for posting this!!!! things like this are true for me too.
it's very confusing

Hi, there is no protocal for an abuser. And I would venture to bet that he (your cousin and abuser) was abused himself. MOST cildren who abuse children are victims.

Before anyone goes and yels at me, I said MOST not ALL. And this is based on statistics.

You are not at fault for being abused at six years of age.

We are here for you.

he probably isn't feeling nothing and seems like a cool person. most abusers do. don't hate yourself pray for yourself at least once a day to give you strengh to go on. have you confronted him or told anyone about this a good doctor or councler will help you through. get a book on letting go it helps let go of the past.

Thank you all for your honest posts, it helps to get that of my shest.

He did start the abuse and even though something felt wrong, I didnt quite understand what was happeneing (does that sound stupid) and I still dont know how many times, when or why it stopped or everything that happened.

Your right again about him acting like a cool guy, his 19 now and has a good job and stuff. Nobosy has any idea what he is really like.

I remember that I used to wet myself when he was with me alone and I know that even though it happened I didnt want it to happen but I didnt really understand or know what to do.

Thanks again for all the support. Stay strong. xx

This is hard to put on here but here it goes I've never told anyone this except my sister. I carry alot of guilt even though I know in my mind I was just a child at the time and was only acting out. To start with I was sexually abused from age 3 until I was 12. At about age 5 my cousin (who was the same age as me)were playing house in her room and she wanted to play mommy and daddy; I was picked to play daddy and we were laying in a make shift tent that my aunt made and I started to mess with her(you know what I mean without going into detail) she told me to stop and pushed me away. I did stop but it freaked me out cause it was the first time I knew it was wrong. She told her mom and we were never allowed to sleep in the same room again. I don't know if my aunt told my mom or not because it was never mentioned again. One other time at my grandparents hm. I was sleeping with my male cousin and we did the same thing and my grandparents pulled us to another room and talked to us and asked questions that time. I was about 9 then. I couldn't even talk I was crying so hard and nothing else was ever mentioned about it again. I did learn that I was doing a really bad thing then and never acted out in that way again. I still don't understand why no one questioned me further on why I was doing these things. Anyway I think my answered would be that he was being abused too. I am truly sorry this has happened to you! Don't carry the guilt though it is not your fault! I have since apoligized to my cousin and she doesn't even remember it but I do.

i can't believe how you both have shared like this!
i have a very simillar situation! thank you for sharing!!!!

All of us whose abusers were the same age, or close to it have this same confusion. We somehow feel guilty or to blame and I think that that stems from the fact that being touched sexually feels good, no matter how old you are, so if it felt good, we are somehow to blame. It is against nature for children to be aroused sexually and it doesn't matter how old the abuser is. I would bet my last buck that the person that abused you was being abused too - just acting out what was being done to them. For years I felt guilty because my brother was only 4 years older than me - somehow I couldn't bring myself to say or believe that he sexually abused me, but I had to accept that. For me it was easier to forgive him after many years, because he was a child when he was doing that to me - someone was abusing, him, too.