This is the only poem I've written about being trafficked. I have another poem sort of about the snuff film that I posted in my diary and might post here as well.

(TRIGGER)

Trafficking Jam

Arrival

the floor is cold
cement
I look around
where am I?
its a basement
the one in Prague
I can tell
its cold
the room is bare
no window
no bed
no bathroom
I hear voices
men
theyre getting closer
back again are you?
no mom to video with this time
just us
the men all laugh
I crawl in the corner
wishing I was with mom

Day

I must have fallen asleep
Im awake now
I hear voices
the men and my Family
talking about the deal
about having me. . .
killed
all I have to do is
prove to the men Im "trained"
I cant let that happen
the men come in
tell me to get undressed
I refuse
they come in and beat me
ripping my clothes off of me
cussing
they drag me out of the room
I fight them
it doesnt work
I now get my first real look at the basement
there are rooms all around
the men knock on the doors
other girls come out
they are dressed
Im jealous and embarrassed
the men tell them my crimes
the girls laugh
the men start beating me
kicking me
Im bleeding
they finally stop
tell me to get up
I cant move
one of the men kicks my stomach
I curl into a ball
he pulls me up
I fall back down
too weak to hold myself up
the girls all laugh
the men tell them to go back to their rooms
Im scared
they take turns raping me
telling me if Im going to lie there
they might as well take advantage of it
I dont even care
I hurt too much to care
my Family comes down
my head is screaming
begging them to save me
the men stop and tell Them my crimes
the men leave me with my Family
it starts all over again
when its finally over I am relieved
by this time its time to eat
I havent ate since before we left on the plane yesterday
Im starving
I see the men bringing down food
they knock on all of the doors
the girls come out and get their food
the men are approaching me
I yearn for food
anything
all I get is an empty plate
the men said bad girls dont get food
Im crushed
the men and my family leave
a girl comes out
offers me some of her food
I accept
she talks to me
tells me they killed her sister
I hold her and we cry together
the men come back
it must be dinner time
I get some water
thats it
Im so grateful
they put my back in my room
I ask where I could use the bathroom
they said to use the floor
they left laughing
I was alone again

Night

I must have fallen asleep again
when I awake
its pitch black
Im scared
I here banging on doors
I dont know whats going on
my door open and there is a blinding light
I feel myself being dragged out
Im taken upstairs
theres light
theres so many people
cameras
what are they doing?
They drop me on a mattress
people are standing around
watching me
I realize the cameras are on
whats going to happen
the girls are all whispering to each other
one of the men ties me
my hands behind my back
Im on my knees
my feet are tied together
my hands tied to my feet
whats going on?
A man pulls my head back
a see the glint of a knife
NO! NO! NO!
My head is screaming
I look around for someone
anyone who could help me
my Family is just watching
not saying a word
the man runs the dull blade across my neck
I start to freak out
Im hit
he throws me on the floor
Im crying and shaking
he said it was just practice
the real thing would come later
the girls just stare at me
its then I know Im not like them
they have freedoms that I dont have
they can eat
they have beds
they can go to the bathroom
a real bathroom
they have clothes
me? I am nothing
I have no bed
no bathroom
no clothes
Im taken back to my room
told I had better shape up
my family comes in
it starts again

the girl

sometimes Im allowed in the basement
the main part of it
Im always tied though
so I cant run away
the girls whisper to one another
look at me strange
I would love to be them
theyre so pretty
I love their clothes
Id love any clothes right now
only the one ever talks to me
the others tell her not to
that shell end up like me
the girl doesnt listen
we become secret friends
she shares her food sometimes
sometimes we fall asleep
out in the basement
I feel safe when shes with me
knowing the men wont do anything too bad
not while shes there

Same

its dark
I open my eyes
Im back in that room
this isnt a dream
its worse
its real
I bang on the door
hoping someone would hear me
someone would let me out
feed me and let me wash
no such luck
its the men again
they tell me if Im going to make noise
Im going to do it their way
and on camera
I try to run back to the corner
they stop me
dragging me back upstairs
to that room where the cameras were before
throwing me on the floor
I just sit there
not making a sound
one of them starts raping me
I still dont make any noise
by this age Im used to it
he swears and gets off me
he starts beating me
this I never got used to
I scream and try to fight back
the man behind the camera laughs
tells the guy to keep going
I feel something wet on my face
is it tears? Or blood?
I cant tell
he finally lays off me
I lay there
bloody and sore
inside and out
they get my Family
tells Them what Ive done
my Family lays into me
Im too weak to fight back
I just lay there
They tell me I better behave
act like they taught me or else
or else what? I wonder
will you finally kill me?
Or will you keep on beating me
does it even matter?