Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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Is This Normal?

deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't know for sure.. But I've heard before that victims of abuse can grow up attracted to abusive relationships. Basically what I'm wondering is my "sexual interest" normal? I have fantasies of well dark sexual acts being done to myself. Not by my abuser, but still.. It makes me feel dirty that those kind of things can excite me.

My boyfriend even asked me one day, why I like for him to be rough with me when we are intimate, if I can't even be in large groups of people (especially men), without getting nervous and scared.

A lot of things can set me off, and make me have panic attacks and reminds me of what happened. But, I like for my boyfriend to be rough with me, sometimes call me names, or slap me. I don't understand this, and I'm sure its not healthy. He has never done any thing I didn't like, so I course don't blame him at all. I just wonder why my brain works like this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can totally relate. Keep in mind we can't control what excites us...I try to remind myself of that. You are totally normal, it's just the past can affect the present. Hang in there!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Keep hanging in there. You are totally normal
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yea, it's sad, I used to fantasize about being a victim. Why? Because it's all I knew...it was normal to me, so I thought that's what it was about......no, it isn't the healthiest thing on the planet to do, but......until you grow through that, that's what ya like for right now....who's to say? Sexual abuse causes DTD they call it now, Developmental Trauma Disorder....Not quite the effects of PTSD....they are now categorizing it as two separate issues, because they are.....sexual abuse victims develop this shit, PTSD is a direct effect of TRAUMA, not induced by an abuse situation. Not an effect of say, being a soldier in war or a car accident....that is different trauma with different effects...don't be too hard on yourself....
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have had that experience too. If you dont have a professional to talk to , find one, and you can work through this. Good luck.
sadbunny
sadbunny
Yes it's normal. For me a gentle loving touch feels like violation that just how bad it is. I get rather upset at gentle touches and hate them. I cannot handle sex unless it is rough and down right painful. So for me right now, I am not having sex even though I am married - thankfully to the most amazing man ever who is patient. But I still have the fantasies. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time. You recognize the situation and that is a huge step. For me I didn't recognize the issue until this past year. I justified everything I did.
deleted_user
deleted_user
So those of you who have been like this, you've grown out of it so to speak? Thank you all so much, that really does make me feel better to know I'm at least not alone. I use to be a lot worse, with wanting to be treated badly. I have gotten better with it now that I think of it, I just felt so bad for wanting to be used again. But thank you guys again.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ginger, abuse shapes all of us in different ways. Your fantasies are perfectly normal, for you, everybody's are different, and as another poster said, we can't choose what turns us on. The difference is, you can safely act out any fantasy in the safety of a secure relationship.
No, you probably won't grow out of it, and by all means, don't feel guilty or dirty because of it. Above all, allow yourself to be the person you are. You're not hurting anyone, you're not hurting yourself, and you know what you like. There's nothing bad about that at all.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't mind a little bit of force during sex, because thats what was mixed in with the abuse. I never had a chance to develop a healthy sexual identity so to speak.
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