
Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.

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Who knows ? Who can say ? On both sides of the medal.. From the victim (let's say the person who feels inadequate because of someone's sexual behavior) of from the bad guy or the bad girl (the one who watches porn and gets off on it )..
I will speak for myself here.. Why am I reacting so bad to my boyfriend's porn ?.. Could it be a way to victimize myself.. to find reasons to prove how bad I must be.. Who am I to tell him that he should not do that if he is in an intimate relationship, if he wants a healthy relationship.. a man who is in love must choose all the time his loved one.. who says..
I was listening to a podcast called Love, sex and intimacy.. I learned about a therapist who's name is Marty Klein.. What struck me is his openness toward sex and his dimystifying of all the should bes. I liked his point of view and looked at his web site..I found an article in which he describes so many contradictions from very big and influential people..
http://www.sexed.org/archive/article18.html
I am just trying to show another point of view here.
I will speak for myself here.. Why am I reacting so bad to my boyfriend's porn ?.. Could it be a way to victimize myself.. to find reasons to prove how bad I must be.. Who am I to tell him that he should not do that if he is in an intimate relationship, if he wants a healthy relationship.. a man who is in love must choose all the time his loved one.. who says..
I was listening to a podcast called Love, sex and intimacy.. I learned about a therapist who's name is Marty Klein.. What struck me is his openness toward sex and his dimystifying of all the should bes. I liked his point of view and looked at his web site..I found an article in which he describes so many contradictions from very big and influential people..
http://www.sexed.org/archive/article18.html
I am just trying to show another point of view here.
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i was raised to believe sex out of marriage and porn, mastubation is wrong well i have done everyone of them and felt guilt for having sex out side of marriage at first for say a year then after that it was fun fun fun.
How would you react if he was sleeping iwth other people? Wouldn't you feel the same way? Wouldn't you be hurt, angry, confused, etc. by his infidelity? Porn is no different. It is still cheating on you. It is still a problem because it takes away from the intimacy of your relationship with him.
Jag, it's not just about "wanking" being a poor substitute for sex with a living, breathing person, it is about letting porn and masturbation take over a normal, healthy relationship. Any time porn, masturbation, or even sexual thoughts damage a relationship between two people, it is a problem and it needs to be dealt with . Addicts don't think about it as cheating, or about masturbating as a subststute. Addicts are out of control of their actions, hence the addiction. The only way an addict will ever stop is by realizing that they have lost control and are powerless to stop doing it. Until then, I am afraid that the addiction will always come first.
for me, i have learned that. if it hurts me, and bothers me i do have a say in it. because for me, a relationship is two ppl, a team...and if we can't work as a team then we're better off not together. So yeah, who am i to say he shouldn't do these things if he wants to? I left him with that thinking, and i still believe he should do as he wishes, i just want to part of it.
this is only my personal choice, everyone is different. But this is a choice that i believe has been good for me.
i hope that you find peace with this issue, in what ever you decide. You deserve good things in life, and happiness.
I was bemused by your second paragraph. I used the same arguments and logic. I was successful in getting my wife to see it as "her" problem....not mine (for a while anyway). I was just more "liberated", she too provincial ...her "insecurities" didn't get to automatically define the relationship, she was trying to control me etc etc. Maybe that's not what's happening with you but boy it sounds familiar. I can tell you this, it was all BS. I wasn't liberated, far from it...I was in a prison of my own device. Unfortunately, i had to lose my marriage and another significant relationship before I woke up. She wasn't telling me what I "should" do, she was telling me what she could and couldn't accept in her definition of love and intimacy...I didn't have to agree and in the end I didn't. Turns out she had good right to think my porn usage was a threat to our relationship... sadly when the marriage ended, I was successful in using the twisted logic of an addict to make the failure more about her being controlling and insecure than anything I was doing. I see the world differently now. I think those living with porn addicts should be threatened. I now believe "porn" and love/intimacy are mutually exclusive. They cannot co-exist in the same sentence. Not having "porn" in the equation for love and intimacy doesn't mean the person is "insecure", "old fashioned" or "controlling" in fact, as I see it now...it's the healthy and natural response.
Just one mans opinion.....and I'm sticking to it...LOL
I am not making excuses for my boyfriend. He had been alone for many years before we were together. So I guess he had the habit to masturbate alot with porn. Five years before I met him, he had stopped paying for sites on the internet.
Our sexuality was not doing good after a few months in the relationship.. I therefore approached him with the porn issue.. I had my doubts.. He lied and lied and finally decided to talk to me. Since then, we went through rough times, but since three weeks, our sexuality is much better and our relationship is stronger. More intimacy, more closeness and more fun sex. More compliments.. which makes me more confident to approach him.
However, I wonder.. Is porn addiction a bit like alcoholism.. In the sense that with moderation, it makes no harm ? Is it when it makes sexuality almost non-existant with your loved one that it becomes a problem ?
Do you find it a problem if a person watches porn from time to time .. when it does not affect the relationship you are in ? Because it seems like my boyfriend has decided to be very present sexually with me, affectionate also.. But I am sure that if I'm away, he might enjoy watching porn.. Is it necessarily "porn addiction" ?
From what I understand from "RoberT.." it seems like when the porn is controlling the man's sexual life, that is when there is a problem with addiction.. But as I understand it, a man who enjoys watching porn once in a while does not mean there is a sexual problem in the relationship.
If my boyfriend keeps being like he is with me at this time - We have sex regularly for one thing.. and I feel he is expressing his masculinity with me (not with porn), and I am expressing my feminity with him.. which makes our relationship much more vivid and passionate... I don't see a problem with him watching porn once in a while.. giving you a number (let's say once a week).. which I call it "moderately".
I hope we are on the right track. I am sure that he made a decision that makes him much happier.. and me first. We have been together for 2 yrs and a half and I feel we are just starting to be "loving" in all ways. He gets more respect from me because he respects me more.
If it has no longer become a problem between you, then it becomes a matter of morals and what you can live with. If you're Ok with it, that's between the two of you. All I would say is to use caution and proceed carefully. Porn addiction is an ugly animal that will bite the hand that feeds it.
Be careful!
Thank you for your comment. I will be careful but I also have to work on my trust in my boyfriend. He is really trying to change things.
When I leave the house, I don't feel entirely free.. I often think that he chooses to watch.. but when I come back home and feel his presence and his affection.. I think.. well if he did.. it can't be that bad. And when he makes love to me the same night (that i have been out of the house) I see it as a sign that I must trust him - that he is "working" on us. Before, he would never have sex with me if he had watched porn - He had no interest.
He is a man in control in general. No drugs, no alcohol, no rage, but as he said, "I liked watching porn just like some men like to watch cars when they have nothing to do".
About morals, I am a bit confused these days.. Sometimes, I think it's ok.. as long as he lives his sexuality with me also.. and other times, I feel that if he still watches porn, he is not in a relationship with me.