I think you are right not to hide it and to talk about it with him openly, but also I think If he is a porn addict (which I am just assuming, maybe wrong) then why don't you guys get rid of the channel? I think even though you guys are being open about it, if he is struggling with porn, the channel is likely to make him want to get online too ,and just contribute to the problem. If he is an addict, then at some point it is likely he will find something appealing that he doesn't want to share with you, and then you guys are back to not communicating. If he wants to quit, or if you want him to quit, I'd recommend getting rid of the channel or at least talking to him about getting rid of it and seeing his reaction.

Thank you so much for your candid feedback. My decision to have the channel is based on the fact that I don't want him to hide it from me. I don't want him to feel that it is something he has to keep from me because I've learned that is the root of my pain from it. I've accepted this to be a part of who he is, as he has accepted me for my faults, demons, and addictions.

So maybe I misunderstood your question earlier. Are you asking why he would hide it if you know it is there?

I can think of a few reasons why I hid stuff from my wife even though she knew I was looking. One was respect, not wanting to rub her nose in my issues. One was shame over needing that kind of stimulation or shame about looking at things you think your wife/SO wouldn't be ok with. One is that it is kind of a private thing, and maybe he feels like it is his private time. One is Habit, you develop rituals around your addiction, many having to do with hiding it. One is embarrassment, maybe he doesn't want you to think badly of him. I'm sure there are lots more, but thats what springs to mind now. Hope I read the question right this time.

Just because you accept and love one another unconditionally doesn't mean that you don't have a right to ask someone to work on their faults, demons, and addictions, especially if they are hurtful and harmful to your relationship as a couple. Of course that also assumes that they have the right to ask you to work on yours also. But, if you love each other, you should want to do so, for the benefit of that other person and yourself. While it is good that your husband is not forced to hide his love for porn from you, that in no way means the porn is good. You're just making it easier for him to enjoy it, kitten. And I'm sure he loves that. It will harm you both kitten; of that, I am sure Get rid of it Dear, and find your joy in each other.

I understand that in the world of addiction, I am only enabling the problem. But I felt like this was the best way for me to deal. The pain I feel with his addiction comes from him hiding it, not doing it. Maybe that makes no sense to some, but for me it was working...

I can respect your position with accepting your SOs habit. I can certainly understand your desire to just have it in the open. However I just want to warn you that you may always be doing battle with that secrecy.

In my expereince this is for a few reasons. One is that porn addiction (at least for me) is so much about taboo and shame that once you are open with your SO about what your watching it becomes less exciting and you have to find something else about it to make it a taboo again. This goes along with the progressive nature of the addiction. This may not be the case for all addicts, but I think there is good evidence to suggest that overtime you build up a tolerance to porn and need newer, harder, different types of porn/stimulation. SO the further you get into the addiction the more shame you have about your habit because while you might have started out looking at still images of just nude women, you find after a few years that you are looking at extremely hardcore stuff or you are chatting on webcam rooms or any number of other bad things that you didn't think you would ever do. So while it might all be out in the open for a while, if he has a bad addiciton it might not stay that way. And again, i'll emphasize that this is different for different people, but I think it is an overall trend that I've read about in a few places.

You may be aware of that already, and it may be one of those cross that bridge when we get to it things, but I think you should also know what you could be in for. Sorry if that is disheartening, but I'm just trying to be honest.

I fear that you are correct Pat... and that scares the shit out of me... I just want to not care...

i don't need that porn channel. i should get rid of it. i do leave alone and don't have a girlfriend. but still. why be so deviant. its not good. i could find better things to do. like clean the apt. that would make me feel better than porn. i hope everyone is ok. please find a way to be happy.

everything finally came to a head.

i dont know that we can recover from this.

nothing will ever be the same again.

he holds so much resentment towards me.

he can't accept any resposibility for any of it.

at least i can say i'm sorry, but not him.

i'll never hear it, feel it or see it.

i may as well start packing now.

to him i'm the whore, i'm to blame.