As you said in your message, both cybersex and real life affair is NOT the solution. You said that you are happilly married without sex.. thats confusing to me. There are two things I will suggest
1. Either develop a good understanding with your husband and have a wonderful life with perfect sex.
2. Since you said no sex drive, I will suggest break up with your husband and try to get a good life partner.. again no cyber relationship.. get a real relationship

Why are you confused that I love my husband and am happy with other aspects of our marriage except for the fact that (due to his medical condition, pain, pain med side effects, and his low sex drive initially,) he has almost no sex drive now. If life were as easy as your options of number 1 or 2, I wouldn't be in a dilemma. To me your #1 is either tell my husband, you have to develop a sex drive even though it's not there and even though you are in pain and I want to force you to have sex even when you don't want to (that doesn't sound good to me) OR #2. leave a wonderful man because our sex life isn't good. (that doesn't sound good either. I understand what you are saying but I don't see it as simply as you do. Which is why I'm no able to resolve it.

maybe the two of you could have a heart to heart? talk about your needs?
if he is having a physical problem...there are other things you guys can do.
this is prolly unhealthy thinking...but i can understand why your having trouble being monogamous. I don't feel like that is a healthy amount [4x a yr].

sorry that your having trouble =/

I would try to work with your H to do things that satisfy you while not requiring him to perform. Anything that can be done by a stranger over the phone or web, can be done by him without exerting himself, right? In fact, he can do more.

Thank you. These are all good points. Especially the last one. I think it's more than just the exertion too. It's lack of interest at all though. He's never been much of one for foreplay or anything. I've always kind of felt that if I take too long to "O" or anything that he's bored or impatient. He's just not into it. He's denied that in the past, but just to be "nice", I think. If he's not "into" it it's hard for me to be really excited about being there with him and if it's just for me and not the both of us together, well, that's just sad and makes me feel pathetic. But I love him and don't want to leave him and we get along great otherwise. I know that sounds wierd. But every day he says he loves me. He hugs and kisses me. He's makes me laugh and helps me deal with life's little problems. He does sweet little things to make me feel special. He does all the cooking and is good at it. Yeah, he can be a jerk sometimes like anyone else but all in all a good guy. I'm lucky that way and should count my blessings and I do. And I do say to myself that life without sex is not the biggest sacrifice in the world. But it is really difficult for me. And I was tempted again yesterday with the cybersex thing. Twice. :-( So obviously it's a problem for me.

All I can say is I feel for you. I sense the pain that you are feeling as you love your hubby and wish he could do more for you.

I think your hubby possibly is feeling frustrated too.

I can share from my experience as my wife and I have not been together sexually for over a year. Its hard when there is that lack of desire esp. from one partner. meds and bioplar are the major factor on our side.

I messed up once last year hense I joined this group (Had a cyber affair). I miss the person and often wish I could just go back to chatting again. I know for me it would be a very dangerous road to travel so I have elected not to chat to her. Its definately not easy and it takes a lot to be strong.

My way of coping is to try and stay away from "danger" as much as I can.

The biggest thing I learn't from this is that I am not strong. I have a weekness but I can be real and ask for help when the time is needed. Carry on going don't give up. Hey you might fall but be ready to say I am in need. There is help ahead :-)