I'm still not sure that the word addiction fits, but sex and the prospect of sex really messes with my brain and behavior. I get especially anxious for sex just before my menses which I can tell is approaching. I was working half the town yesterday. I'm not very flirty, but I get my message across somehow. I managed much deep eye contact touches and hugs. I tend to avoid going out and tend to fixate on one man, because sometimes I can't keep up with all my levels of thought and behavior. It is probably a safety defense mechanism. Yesterday, I was ready to wrap somebody up. I don't want to mess with myself or anybody else. I am attracted to this guy which is rare for me these years, but it is only the second time I've met him. I predicted to my friend that we would run into him if we went to the place I met him the first time. On cue, we did, so I was convinced it was providence. On a deeper level though I feel spiritually committed to somebody else who wants nothing to do with me. It may just be his biology. It is hard for me to break away from that connection without at least a final heart to heart conversation about life as real people. That seems like something I may never have. Anyway, I'm horny and spinning and jilted, but not too upset about it all. Just a disconnected fascination which may or may not be healthy. Maybe I just need some real closure or a new opening or maybe I just need to masturbate until my period comes and keep breathing. Oi, biology.