i definately agree! i've noticed everytime i make progress with one, another gets worse. But it's difficult dealing with the possible causes b/c everytime i do, i slip with something else... if i'm totally subborn and put my foot down sex wise i wind up finding blood on my hands only to realise i've been diging my nails into myself =[
i just don't know if i'm a sex addict...i think i make a lot of bad choices in the name of....but i've been better the last few months. heh....yeah i luv running in f***ing circles all day....thats my favorite!

if this is the way it needs to be, heh i think i'd rather choose the addiction that doesn't give me ugly scars.

addictions(?): work, self injury, smoking, sex

DX: no clue

I agree also. I am a former smoker who quit after being diagnosed with thyroid cancer. When I smoked, I was a chain-smoker; had to consciously ration myself or I would never have been without a cig. When I gave it up, I turned to food. Eventually wound up quite obese for a time. When i was single, I also had a lot of sex with a lot of men. Since being married, I have been fairly good, especially when fat...it kinda killed my sex drive. I have lost most of the weight, tho, and that is when I started acting out sexually online. I also have a big-time shopping addiction. Luckily, I can afford it, but I have closets full of stuff with the tags still on. There is some kind of void within me that it seems nothing can fill.

i agree.. though i do not have extensive knowledge on this subject, but i can see these traits act as a caviot for one to surpass the other in an electron flow of reciprocity... hmmm... makes sense... self cavitating emaotional stimuli acting in a uniform effort to support a far deeper reaching cause... in this light... it can be broken down... understanding this can offer some strength... at least... i see strength in the knowledge of understanding my own actions.... and thoughts/feelings

Agreed. DH has an undiagnosed mood disorder, and I believe he has used his particular sexual addiction to keep himself stable - although he denies this. And if he wasn't going over the top with his sexuality, he would turn to gambling, or food, or sports or... one of our kids has similar tendencies with respect to excessive behaviors and mood swings, and mood stabilizer medication seems to be helping that. Funny thing, DH was just dx'd also with a seizure disorder, and the meds to treat that are also used as mood stabilizers. He's declined the rx for now, but perhaps in the future he'll try it with the added benefit of treating his addictive behaviors. That's about all I can hope for at this point...

someone on DS gave me this really helpful site.... it's got LOADs of info

http://www.healthyplace.com/site/tests/psychological.asp#bipolar_disorder

i'd recommend it to anyone on DS i think

It's entirely possible.....I've never been diagnosed as Bi-Polar, but I am definitely hypersexual, and have been for many years. I also have an addictive personality, and I can link any number of my past behaviors to that (drinking, drugs, work, money, etc.)
Addiction in any form is all about choices and how we make them. We choose to do the things that we do. No one forces an addict to shoot up or snort, no one forces an alcoholic to drink, and no one forces a sex addict to sleep with every one who comes along. We choose to do it, period. Yes, there are contributing factors to what we do and how we do it, but in the end, it is still a choice.

I hate to disagree RB because a lot of what you say is spot on. But having talked dealt with Psychiatrists Psychoanalysts Counsellors Doctors etc there is not a choice. No more than a diabetic needing insulin or heart patient a pace maker. Its a deep chemical psychological prob. One does not choose to be left handed or re haired its genetic usually reinforced by life ( Nature and Nurture) One must treat the disease not the symptom. Telling people to be strong or pull themselves together is like telling a man with two broken legs to tap dance.

I hate to disagree with you, my friend, but what you describe is nothing more than medical two-stepping designed to remove responsibility from us. It's much easier to blame this addiction or any other on a "chemical imbalance". The truth is, it is a conscious choice. Addiction is NOT a disease, it is a self-taught behavior.
If you've been seeing doctors who told you this, find new ones that practice real medicine and work on solving real problems. There is no "gene" that makes us do this...it is the result of living in a culture that worships sex and makes us believe that we "must have it" to be normal. Nothing more.

RB i have another question...re; choices and "deeper problems". [and everyone else here]

i understand that this addiction is closely linked with endorphins, and so is my addiction to self injury. I tried not to act one in this area for a while and my self injury became worse.

i made a choice 10yrs ago, put my foot down ad used willpower alone to stop cutting. b/c of recent stresses in the last 6 months i started doing it unintentionally now. I dig my nails into myself, and i don't feel it and am entirely unaware of it. all i know is....there blood on my hand, damn it i did it again. no warning =[

i've had the experience when being intimate where something triggers me... and i don't know how to explain it really, but i just go into a strange state of mind. i do things, and i don't understand why. at least once i felt threatened, so i took on the aggressive with my partner. it was like i wasn't even there anymore =/ i didn't even remember the incident until last week, it happened about 8 months ago.

have you ever had anything like that happen? how did you learn to control it?

Ah, someone else who knows about this!!!! Yes, the endorphins produce a chemical "high" that the body craves. It is similar to an adrenaline rush or a drug-induced high. When you come down off of it, you crash, and your body craves it more, so you do it again.
With self-injury, as I understand it (my daughter was a cutter for awhile) the endorphin rush is very similar. She explained it to me as a "release" similar to an orgasm.
Jn, what you are describing sounds a lot like "learned behavior" that your mind uses to control stress. You react by doing this without consciously thinking about it, much like the reaction to something coming at you. You jerk away without really thinking about it, or in your case, you "dig in". The pain is what your mind craves and uses to control the stress.
I'll get back to you on the rest.......I'm sending you a PM with that.

Robert, Thank you for taking the time out to explain these things to me here as well as the message. It's very helpful to me. Is it okay to continue to talk about these things here? I'm hoping it might help someone else at some point?
I've been in mental health/therapy since childhood, and i think i tend to just ignore things? or maybe i'm just dense,...either way, if you don't mind i have a few more questions regarding learned responses.
I was abused sexually / physically / mentally growing up [as i think a lot of us have been?]. In the sexual abuse community we talk about these things often, but no one really seems to understand them or how to control them.
I was wondering if that's b/c it is in fact something different then pure will power? I have moments where everything around me is very confusing, and things slow down. I don't know if it makes sense but, they also speed up at the same time. I don't have much feeling or thought,....like my brain is just working in slow-motion big time. This is before i do anything to act on my triggers.

I don't want to cop out on myself here in anyway, if i do it's not helping me.
i know that in the past i have had a very strong will power, where i could just say to myself "NO" and it's over and done with. Why does this and digging my nails in FEEL so different then other addictions? when i quit smoking i don't black out and go buy a pack! lol same thing with cutting... not one slip. [i do smoke now but it's not a slip its...i'm just a smoker again]
an...okay,...chocolate and working out release endorphins....so why is that easy to give up? [i used to have both in slight excess]
sorry if i'm asking things that just don't have answers, or are different for everyone. but any in put would be helpful. Has any one else experienced anything like this before??

Pleasure in any form is addicting. I smoke as well, and have quit several times. I always come back to it, though. And, in all honesty, if I were to approach it the same way I did my SA, I should be able to quit. But I honestly enjoy it, so much so that I still do it by choice. I also overeat, a lot, because I enjoy food so much. I choose to do both things, even though I know the risks. I know that I may very well kill myself from either cancer, lung disease, or heart attack or stroke, but I do it willingly.
No, this addiction (SA and the SI) is more psychological. Not a disease, as Jag put it, but more of a learned response to stimulus. A habit, if you will. And like any habit, it is formed quickly and broken over a long period of time. I think it has been said that a habit is formed in 7 days, and broken in 7 years. Learned responses are deeply ingrained into our subconscious, and are not easily removed, short of chemically altering them or having radical treatments to "shock" them out.
I understand the "slowing down and speeding up" of things. You see it coming at you, and you react quickly, but the thought process is much slower. By the time the thinking catches up, the "act" is done and you are sitting there with the aftermath all around you.
I don't really know any solid and complete answers to beating this. For everyone, the situation is different and often what works for one person doesn't work for another. We all process things differently, and we react in very different ways, But I think that we all share common traits that can be shared, as well as common solutions. In the end, it's up to each of us to identify the triggers and work on ways to either avoid them or work through them.

Noted RB Guess we must agree to disagree. My experiences as a Lawyer, Counsellor and Patient show that there is too little Holistic medicine/ help. But your view is a valid one, as ever.

Agreed, Jag. That's what is so great about this site and others like it....we don't always have to agree about it to help others. I am no expert, other than on what I have dealt with, but I have very little faith in traditional psychiatry when it comes to SA. There just aren't that many counselors or doctors that fully understand SA, much less are able to treat it properly. As the saying goes, it takes one to know one, and not many of these "professionals" understand this particular disorder.