
Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.

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My addiction stems from my past. I was molested when I was 5 years old by my cousin. I didn't know what sex was. Some of it gave me comfort and some of it hurt me.
It remained a secret my whole life and still is.
I am still a virgin. If I ever get close to a girl in person I refuse to let it go anywhere if it starts to get sexual I am never 100% comfortable with her and I get the bad memories of when it hurt and I can't do it. I stay single because of this. My reputation in school is pretty good but the crowd I hang out with is a bunch of party guys who do nothing but have sex. Sometimes against the girls will and because of that I have stopped partying.
As far as masturbation and sex addiction goes. I feel like I need sex. I can't help but do it once I day at least usually twice. I get so turned on I can't help but do it and then after I finish I feel dirty and depressed and I hate myself for doing it. I do it in all kinds of ways, from looking at porn to talking dirty to girls online.
Normally I have very good morals, I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. I am a virgin and I would love to stay that way until I get married to another good girl. But I don't know I just feel like I am two people.
At night it's worst. I cannot just fall asleep. I masturbate in my bed and I get so much into it that I lose awareness as to what is going on around me I never remember it and I always fall asleep before I climax.
I don't want to be an addict I want to be clean I have no idea how to stop it, when I get turned on all I want is sex. Honestly there is so much more to in then that though but I don't want to write to much so if you care please message me.
It remained a secret my whole life and still is.
I am still a virgin. If I ever get close to a girl in person I refuse to let it go anywhere if it starts to get sexual I am never 100% comfortable with her and I get the bad memories of when it hurt and I can't do it. I stay single because of this. My reputation in school is pretty good but the crowd I hang out with is a bunch of party guys who do nothing but have sex. Sometimes against the girls will and because of that I have stopped partying.
As far as masturbation and sex addiction goes. I feel like I need sex. I can't help but do it once I day at least usually twice. I get so turned on I can't help but do it and then after I finish I feel dirty and depressed and I hate myself for doing it. I do it in all kinds of ways, from looking at porn to talking dirty to girls online.
Normally I have very good morals, I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. I am a virgin and I would love to stay that way until I get married to another good girl. But I don't know I just feel like I am two people.
At night it's worst. I cannot just fall asleep. I masturbate in my bed and I get so much into it that I lose awareness as to what is going on around me I never remember it and I always fall asleep before I climax.
I don't want to be an addict I want to be clean I have no idea how to stop it, when I get turned on all I want is sex. Honestly there is so much more to in then that though but I don't want to write to much so if you care please message me.
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Secondly, masturbation is not a dirty thing in and of itself. It is part of human nature. I would say most guys and many girls do this from teenage years on. I'm guessing that the "you feeling dirty" part comes from what was done to you as a young child. Now THAT was dirty. But sex in general is not. Thats not how it was made to be.
Before you go with anymore of your life, stop and deal with this now. You already have made the first step here and I think you are so brave. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You sound like a great guy and I will be praying for you. That you find the answers you are looking for and the continued courage to deal with things. Best of wishes!
As far as professional help goes at this stage of my life I don't want to go public. I am 17 years old, soon to be 18, a senior in high school so I am still living with my parents. Honestly I don't want them to know. I especially worry because I was molested by my cousin and if I tell I can't really prove it now I have my story of what happened but no hard proof. It could cause problems in the family assuming he will deny it and some will side with him and some will side with me.
The masturbation thing is bad for me like it isn't always for pleasure I am just addicted to it. Like last night I did it to get to sleep and I didn't even enjoy it the room was hot and gross and it just didn't feel all that great but I had to do it so I could fall asleep, it took me like and hour and a half of doing it before I feel asleep and then I ended up waking up at 3 am anyway.
Whenever I climax though I go from my highest sexual peek to nothing. Like I feel like I have to personalities you catch me in a normal mood and I am not interested in sex at all it isn't anything I want. I have strong morals and I want to wait I don't even let girls kiss me because I don't want anything sexual in a relationship unless we are a couple. So basically I go from craving sex but into that mood and it just feels so wrong. When I do masturbate I do it for a long time, sometimes 2-3 hours because I love the feeling and I know when I climax I will go into a depressing mood.
I don't know if I want therapy though because I can never heal all of my of wounds. When I burry the feelings I honestly think I am a great guy in public like I have no problems and a very good reputation for it. It is just the nights with the mood swings and masturbation that I am concerned about. Mainly because if I get married obviously I don't want to be doing that. Plus when I started talking about the abuse it brought out strong feelings of rage for me and publically it showed earning me a nickname, "Psycho"
After reading your second insertion, it sounds like it is a "comfort" thing for you. Probably b/c it was part of you at such a young age. Again - you do what you need to do. But I would strongly suggest you taking this head on. Don't let it dominate you anymore. Dont' let anything control you but you. But I'll be supportive no matter what you decide.
I'm sorry for what you have gone through, it's horrible =[ I was molested as a child as well, and am only now seing the connection to my Self Injury and Sexual Addiction.
I agree, writing helps a lot! I do the same thing with random rambles and rants. It's okay though, it still helps to write it all down...b/c you can look back on it in a few day, weeks or even yrs and it will give you some insight. So ramble on as much as you want or need to, and here as well. Other people's stories help me so much, and i am truly grateful for the the people who have shared them with me.
If this is something that you don't like, and see as a problem for you...then i think it is valid and you should pay attention to that. I can also identify with what you said about feeling like two different ppl. Normally i do think i have a pretty high moral standing,...and over the yrs have lied to myself a lot in order to make this addiction fit into those morals [i believe i still o this].
You've found a great group of ppl here, very wise and caring...so don't be afraid to reach out. I hope that things do start to improve for you, wether or not you decide to tell your story to your friends/family. I just want to add, that you can see a therapist with out talking to your family about these issues. As long as you are not in danger or endangering others they have to respect your privacy.
For therapy though that will still cost me money and honestly I don't think I am willing to spend it. I don't want to have to pay someone to keep me sane. Plus I may be dubbed as a hazard to people around me. I have slipped into some very bad phases lately earning myself the nickname "Psycho" with some people and when they said it I loved it and embraced it. I have not hurt anyone badly though my intentions were rather violent.
Flutterby has been very helpful so far though :)
I hope you get things sorted out, hang in there k?
Right now I don't really have a specific kind of current abuse. My personality doesn't make me the victim that much but I am still haunted by past things. It is so weird to describe though sometimes I feel 100% fine others I feel so far from it I go up and down all the time randomly.
I am glad DS has helped you with things.
You hang in there too :)
I can't respond as well as others have to all the things you have brought out, but I am paying attention and I think you are brave.
One thing I did want to say is that not having health insurance for a child when you can easily have it, and not taking a child to hospital for a broken bone, almost sounds like neglect. It sounds very odd. Maybe this is a factor in your wanting to try to sweep it all under the rug. You were taught to do that with your needs.
My dad always used to push me to suck up pain though and not show much emotion. Like I admit as a kid I was very emotional I would cry very easily and I recall a few times were we would have a small fight and I would cry and he would kind of taunt me about crying which just made me angry to the point were I did nearly go after him with a knife once but what he said did sit in my head and I am not one to demand medical attention unless I am completely disabled which has really never happened.
There was one case though when I was in 7th grade. I had something that looked like a stroke though I never went to the hospital so I don't know exactly what it was. I had bad pain in one of my ears so I took some painkillers or something and when I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth I felt like a weird feeling in my ear though it didn't hurt and I put my finger to my ear and I pulled it back wet though it wasn't blood. What happened though I believe was my ear drum ruptured because I lost hearing from my ear for like 2-3 weeks and for the next 1-2 weeks I had crap leaking out my ear, I would wake up and my pillow would be soaked in it. When this happened though that made it look like a stroke was I lost full control of the left side of my face. I could blink and stuff but that was it I could hit myself in the face and barely felt it, no pain. I could barely talk though and I looked stupid. I stayed home for 2 weeks from school because of it and I didn't eat I lost a lot of weight and had to take pills and stuff I just sat in bed all day. My parents made me go back to school though after the 2 weeks. My hearing was kind of back and the stuff stopped leaking out my ear though my energy was very bad when I went back to my sports teams I couldn't keep up. My face was still completely numb on the side so I did get teased by friends though I admit it did hurt my feelings they still joke about it today. I didn't have much motivation for a while so my grades did suffer. It took about 2 more weeks in school before I got my energy back and my face started to go back to normal.
jndoe: I have not heard of them though I assume I could look. Though I admit I would probably not go until I graduate because I don't want to risk my parents finding out. Thanks for mentioning it :)
With college to they didn't save up anything for it so if I did go I am not sure if I would have to pay for myself but I wouldn't be able to do that I just can't handle school and work though they are pressuring me to take over the family business and become a minister or something though I admit I am not that attracted by it.
I am just confused. I have thought about running away a few times just to get away but I have no were to go. I feel like I am a disappointment.