im sorry if anyone thinks that this post sounds angry but maybe in a way i am. im hurting more than i ever thought possible. my mother in law lost her battle against liver cancer. She also had a infection called MRSA that is apparently picked up in hospitals and they think will be the next pandemic. i ahve to believe it because every floor i went on to with her had signs on the rooms stating the person(s) was in isolation.

What makes me damn angry though is that many patients are left unattended by nurses or they take their sweet damn time getting to them because the nurses dont want to continually garb up and put on the clothing etc needed for entering a room where the person is in isolation. Near the end of moms battle i could not even leave the hospital because the nurses were not caring for her properly. how do i know? i called the hospital one night because i was awakened by waht i thought was mom calling me for help. when i called the hospital i could hear her screaming for help and the damn nurse told me she was being noisy. look, just because people get old does not mean they loose it and start getting noisy. i wonder at times how many people have had elderly family in the hospitals who have ignored as a result of this belief and the patient has suffered but do to their health could not tell us.

i finally refused to leave even when they brought in security at night. one night they brought in a particularly large set man. in was kind of funny actually, at the time it was not. here was a huge bulk of man coming in to remove a small woman barely 5 ft tall, and he backed down, only because of my voice and what he seen in my eyes above the mask. he told the nurses that he did not think the poilce could even get me out and to think of it as extra help. i told them that they should do what they did best, sit around the station, eating candy and joking about the various elderly patients! i spoke to administration the following day. they agreed to allow me to stay and alot of nurses got in very real trouble because i used my cell phone to tape their antics at the station. moms room was directly across from it.

look, no one that stays with their family is a hero, or deserves recognition or a way to go, just please take notice of the conditions of teh hospitals when your elderly family members are there. Please. mom was not the only one. there were many elderly people on the floor with alzheimers, cancers, etc and the nurses sat on their fat little fannies imitating them or talking about thier planned holidays etc instead of caring for them. i began stopping family members in the hall way and talking to them about it. it got to the point i would not even let mom go for a test alone. mom was a fantastic person, she loved everyone she came in contact with. even in the end, you could see her caring side, because she wanted me to take the feather comforter i had brought her in, to the babies in the nursey below i had a very hard time trying to convince her that i had taken them other ones. she often said she had given birth too my son but had to children and then when my children came along and my grandchild, she was overjoyed. my eldest daughter, her husband and the baby lived with her so that she always had someone with her as she grew older because she walked with a walker and had a difibrulator in her heart. she loved having the baby there. i felt so bad that the baby could not see her in the end but due to the MRSA infection we could not subject her to it and mom would never have allowed it. a week before she passed, mom had me cut her extremely long hair because she wanted to give it to locks for love. that is just how she was. my husband and i were both at her side at the very end, as we were with my father in law. it somehow seemed to rip me apart more this time. i feel like i lost my mom, my best friend, my confident, my sister, everything. we are all feeling that way right now. my husband and i will be moving into the house he grew up in and my kids into the one we live now but it is because we feel closer to mom and dad there. does this seem funny?

mom grew up on a family barge in holand and near the end kept telling us taht her deceased husband had built a rand new sail boat and that they were going on a sailing trip together. she desvribed the sailboat as having gold trim on the window frams, etc funny though. the urn that we found to keep part of her ashes in at home beside her husband, are in a sail boat, that could almost resemble the one she spoke of. we had to send away for it and did not think it would be here in time. it was a one of a kind. the rest of her ashs are buried with dad at the cemetery. why do i tell you this? because of the boat. often our loved ones speak of going someowhere with someone who has passed and describe something special like the sail boat and when we seen it in a book at the funeral home, we knew it was to be the one. it was discontinued but as always i refused to take no as a answer. this is something she taught me. never take no as a answer. she is also the one who use to always tell me when i was battling breast cancer. there are no such things as breast cancer victims, there are only survivors.
the subject title says why do we do this to those we love? and it is because i cant understand why we allow our pets to die with dignanty, peace and without the horrible agony that i have witnessed a few times, yet we force our human loved ones to endure long months and sometimes years of agony because we can not let go. we call it inhuman to want to see their suffering end. maybe we are inhuman but because we allow them to go out like this when they do not deserve it. we call our pets animals but maybe when the word animal was chosen it should have been given to us and the word human should have been given to them. mom wanted me to write a book about her life in holland during the war and then her life here . in the end, she looked so sad at me the one day and told me taht her book would never be writen, i told her it was in motion and i started it that day. even if its never published, it will be writen along with the one she wanted me to write about being a breast cancer survivor.

im sorry the post is so long, i appoligise but i had to get it off my chest. mommy, i love you, i always will, your son, grandchildren and great grandchild will always love you and further children will be told of the special woman that you are as well. Rest in peace with dad and do what you most wanted to do in the end, sail away across the world in the sailship you most spoke of. sail in peace mommy, i love you.