my life is getting better but i cant seem to be happy, i shouldn't want to cut. I've been overeating, and i'm gainning weight, then i starv myself and it goes up and down, anyways its not a eating disorder support group, but i've had problems with bullimia. I hate myself, i'm so huge, but the thing i always go back to is cutting, it ruined me & my best friend's friendship but we are rebuilding it. It ruin my legs, my self -esteem, my relationship with my family the way ppl saw me cause i was always sad. I've stop but i always relapse. It's always on my mind, i always say to myself, this time will be different, i'll be able to controle it even tho i know i wont be able to. There is one person that it usually helps to talk to but we aren't that close anymore, we still talk abit, but only at school, i dont want to be like hey lets talk about cutting, he use to cut. I want to cut so bad right now, and by the time i go to bed i'll probaly have gave in. I just want this feeling to go away, i dont want to want to cut....why doesn't it leave. will it ever??
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