Why cant i cry tears from my eyes instead of blood from my wrists. I am so weak and immoral at least that is what other people tell me. THey say that i must be crazy to do what i do. They act like i love to hurt myself, wrong i hate it. I hate to make myself bleed. They dont understand how numb i feel when it is happening though. I cant feel it at that time, only after do i realize what i have done yet again. I get stares from people no matter who they are, Drs. friends, family and i dont expect not to. But it really hurts when they walk away or back up like i have some sort of communicable disease, theyre scars thats all. Someone once said to me you are embarrasing me why dont you go put a long sleeve shirt on and i did; and i felt like a piece of dirt. And when that happens i feel the need to punish myslef so i do that by cutting. So i ask this why cant i simply cry tears of blue instead of tears of red--- Rachel
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