i did it tonight. i havent in about a month, and last time i did it it wasn't bad at all. tonight... it was REALLY deep. it's still bleeding. i did it about 2 hours ago. my friend came over and we were talking about her doing it the night before... and she showed me them and she explained why she had a sock covering them (so it wouldnt bleed onto her clothes and it stays tight so sleeves wont go up and expose them) ...and what did i do? i grabbed an old sock, cut it so it goes around my arm, grabbed brand new blades and did it. usually when i do it, i do a lot... but i did 7 tonight, all really deep. probably deeper than i've ever done it... i remember reading some where recently about a girl cutting so deep that she saw the fat... i wanted to see that. i wanted to see anything. it's about 1/4 of an inch wide (the worst one) and the length of my forearm. why did i stop and not continue? because i instantly felt better. and yet i also was feeling sick too. now i just cant let my roommates find out... which is going to be hard... ugh. ive been needing to do it for SO long. i just kept forgetting. like i'm forgetting a lot of things lately. and yeah... i dont know the reason i'm writing this... i just... i dont know... a huge part of me hopes its still bleeding by tomorrow morning... another part of me wants to do more before i fall asleep. in the past i would do it to help me sleep, but now when i do it it excites me and gives me a lot of energy i guess. i cant throw those 3 blades out. i cant throw my stash of 11 out. i just cant. they are beautiful to me. jkdfkdljkdgljfdsgfldjskfldfd. just someone, talk? please?
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