whats going on?

I don't know... been drinking for hours... but instead of makng me feel better... I riding in a handbasket straight to hell tonight... afraid to go & try & sleep... I feel death's lies... they are comforting tonight... I want to not suffer

Akeelah: [quoting Marianne Williamson] Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

Tell me what you think this qoute means?

I donm't know except it has nothing to do with me... I am neither gorgeous, talented, or fabulous... I am fat, burden, and horrible

never say that. You are gorgeous, talented, and fabulous. It says that one should not be afraid of themselves. Sounds like you are. You need to reach out to this friend for help

they are asleep

I do not want to wake them.... so I am here.

True friends will let you wake them up if you need help. Don't be afraid to do so. Yes, being on here may help, but sometimes you need someone on your side to pull you through. Have you ever experence this when you've been drinking?

Friends will and should always be there for you. If you have told them about cutting, than they should understand.
I know how hard it is to reach out for help, but it sounds like you need to right now. The worst that can happen is that they ignore you.

when I am drinking... death usually shuts up.

tonight I can hear it sooo well

please try to reach out to them.

I am not sure I can... if one of them gets up they will ask... maybe I can talk... but I don't know... what if they get upset... what if they tell me to leave...I know I shouldn't worry about being a burden when I am like this .. but I do... I haven't worked past that... I am trying.. but I can't ... someday maybe.. It is a battle I deal with... I was feeling sooo good Friday.... I don't know why I feel so bad tonight...

Trust me you won't burden them. I know what that feeling is like, but you need to tell them that you need to talk. They will be willing to talk.

I have told them I am depressed.. that I am taking prozac... but to tell them I am a cutter or feeling suicidal... I am not sure.. I think i will sleep... maybe a drink of koolaid... if the kitchen becomes a lure I cannot resist I will wake someone... I am feeling better I think... having had a drink of alcohol in 1/2 hour... maybe that is what I needed to do... stop drinking & talk here... I am going to have go lie down ... if I can't sleep without blood.. I will bug them...

I want an update later. I trusting that you will wake them.

I am back.. would have come on earlier but my friends have no power after Post Tropical Storm Noel... just back at my brother's place right now. He has power.

I stayed away from the kitchen... even for water. Went to sleep... crashed really. Feel a little more stable today. Still really down... but not losing it down.