Today has been another one of thoose days. Every other thought on my brain has been about where I am in my life, will it ever change, you know the usual. I feel awful that the only thing really keeping me here is my boyfriend. I couldn't imagine putting him through the pain that I have been through more recently. I love him to much to do that and then it makes me think did Steve not love me, then I feel idiotic for loving him so much and then I hate myself for thinking Steve didn't love me and that's when the thought of the blade comes in. Im finding myself take a step closer each moment I think each moment I breathe that Im going to pick it up.

Im scared he'll leave me if I do but I need to release somehow. Im finding myself snapping at every little thing, getting increasingly more tempramental. Work is getting me down more and more but due to the time of year and the amount of time Ive had off because of Steve and Pops it's impossible for me to take anymore time off without losing the job I desperatley need.

Does anybody else get like this? Or is it just me....