today is Halloween. it's also the one year anniversary of the first time i really badly SI'd. id been SI'ing for a while, about a year, but it was barely anything up to that point. shallow scratches that didn't bleed and were gone two days later. but last halloween....oy. i was mad about having no halloween plans, and i was home alone, and i was really wired on sugar. my body doesn't react well to sugar, so i was all shaky and jittery. i just remember grabbing a safety pin and going to town. when i was done i was scared. i didn't know anything about SI, and i didn't know what id just done. i just kept looking at my arm, which was burning, and wondering why it felt so good. i guess it just kinda sucks to have that memory all day today. i haven't cut in almost six months, and im kinda mad that it's not completely behind me yet. last halloween began a new dark chapter in my life, one that im still trying to finish. i dunno...just needed to vent that.
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