i can't sleep. my body's exhausted, i've been on the go since six this morning, its after midnight now... i'm aching and all tingly, but i lay down and my mind is racing and i can't sleep. nothing is helping lately, drinking, smoking, cutting, not even those damn sleeping pills. when i do sleep, i have really terrible nightmares. not just bad dreams, but disgusting, awful nightmares. i feel like i'm going crazy here. my period's late. i'm so scared. i called adam to let him know and he stopped by the other morning. said he was up all night cause he just couldn't sleep, he looked like shit. i know he's using heroin again. last night he called and yelled at me, i called back a half hour later, i hate that hes doing this to himself. he couldn't even hardly talk, didn't remember calling me. what if i'm pregant? he can't even take care of himself. i don't even care if we can't be friends, but he's going to kill himself. i'm so scared right now. i feel like i'm going crazy, even when i think its not making much sense. i lay awake in bed and i feel like my minds rotting. there's nothing good here. i'm so frustrated. thats not even it. usually i can get everything out in writing but there aren't words for what i'm feeling. i really think i'm crazy. i've never been scared like this. i want to sleep but i'm afraid to go to bed. i can't keep having these nightmares. i can't keep laying awake, trying to sleep, thinking, thinking thinking. cutting myself up cause sleep used to follow it. dammit, i don't know what to do with myself here...
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