My husband uses sex as a way of controling me, only having it when I am emotionally vulnerable. He knows I am desperate for any kind of affection. Today I told him I wasn't going to let him use me anymore, no more emotional neglect, emotional abuse, no more lies and deception. He was pissed as usual, making me miserable, telling me it's my fault for not trying and being a bitch. As soon as I went to bed, here he comes (we sleep seperately) being all nice, saying he's not going to take advantage of me, he just wants me to feel better. I kept telling him no, I didn't want to be used and hurt again, pushing him away. Next thing I remember is staring at the ceiling, crying, wishing it was over with. When he was done, I ran to the bathroom and freaked out, crying. He just went to sleep. I feel like a dirty, pathetic whore with absolutely no self respect. I guess I deserve it. I'm so numb - I wan't to cut so bad. I hate myself and dread facing him tomorrow.
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??