My husband uses sex as a way of controling me, only having it when I am emotionally vulnerable. He knows I am desperate for any kind of affection. Today I told him I wasn't going to let him use me anymore, no more emotional neglect, emotional abuse, no more lies and deception. He was pissed as usual, making me miserable, telling me it's my fault for not trying and being a bitch. As soon as I went to bed, here he comes (we sleep seperately) being all nice, saying he's not going to take advantage of me, he just wants me to feel better. I kept telling him no, I didn't want to be used and hurt again, pushing him away. Next thing I remember is staring at the ceiling, crying, wishing it was over with. When he was done, I ran to the bathroom and freaked out, crying. He just went to sleep. I feel like a dirty, pathetic whore with absolutely no self respect. I guess I deserve it. I'm so numb - I wan't to cut so bad. I hate myself and dread facing him tomorrow.
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