I joined this site a couple months ago, after I was sexually assaulted and raped. I finally fell into the desire of cutting myself and acted on it, even though it's been about 5 weeks since I cut myself I am still having these insane desires to cut again. I feel like I am all alone in these feelings, the whole world around me doesn't seem to understand. I am very self destructive, but how do I explain this to my husband? How do I help him understand that I am not suicidal, I am just tired of feeling numb and enjoy seeing blood pouring out of my body? He wants me to talk to him when I feel like cutting myself but then he gets angry, because he doesn't understand and he thinks that it's selfish. I stopped talking to him about it, because I don't want to feel guilty...any more than I already do. Not only do I cut, but I pick scabs to see the blood, I pick holes in my stomach or legs, I pop pimples until my face is bleeding, continually scratch until one area is raw...I never associated these things with self injury but it's been nrought to my attention that these are all self injury patterns and that I need to stop...easier said than done.
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