So I am in the last year of a nursing program and I am a cutter. Well I have to wear scrubs with short sleeves to do my clinicals so I can't cut on my arms. The thing is I have just learned to start IV's and they gave us some supplies to play with in lab. They let us take some home and now I start IV's on myself and just let myself bleed out of the catheter. I know what could happen if I lose too much blood but I keep track of it and it is a way to harm myself without leaving scars...I am really confused about this and scared to tell my counselor because I am worried that this may consitute worse consequences than just cutting. I have taken it to another level of danger because I let out a lot of blood and it isn't even about seeing the blood. It is more the ritual of the whole thing and the calming effect the concentration of doing the act. So I thought I was getting better but I am just getting sneakier. I don't want to look like an IV drug user because I don't inject anything in just let myself bleed out. I am not sure what I am even asking for maybe some reassurance or encouragement from others on how to talk to my counselor about this before it becomes too big of a problem. I knew that learning to start IV's would be triggering but I didn't think that I would want to start them on myself just to bleed. Does this make me beyond help or sick in the head(I know that the behavior is healthy)? Thanks for any comments please be kind this is a hard step for me even to admit what I am doing and reach out to others for comments, support, or advice....Thanks....
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