For 4 years i was a cutter and a carver.... then when i was a senior in high school i got caught with razor blades at school and was sent to a mental hospital where I was diagnosed with BPD. I have been married for the past two years and my husband has helped me a lot and been really understanding but as of lately he has been very short with me and no longer has any compassion or general concern for what I'm feeling or experiencing. Actually, tonight we were talking about some marital issues and he got mad and said...."If anyone else had had to live with u for the past year they would have already killed themselves." It hurts to have him say that to me and to find out that when he asked me to marry him....(just after i got out of the mental hospital).. and ready to leave him at a party one night... that he didnt even love me at the time. He said he was just afraid I'd hurt myself, even when we planned our wedding at a kind of spur of the moment he still didnt know he loved me he was just afraid I'd try to kill myself....... But he has grown to love me he says!!!!! I don't know what to do with myself.... I'm having a lot of strong urges at the moment and I'm trying really hard not to act on them.
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