...I feel like I'm going to be sick. My hands are shaking and my head is throbbing and I can't focus. I think I'm having some kind of breakdown and the last time something like this happened, I slashed my arm up pretty bad. I want to call my Mom and talk to her but she's at work and hasn't been feeling good these past couple of days, so I don't think that would be a good idea. I've been doing so good and I don't want to ruin my progress so soon. It's only been a couple of months for God's sakes! But I don't know if I can keep going on like this... I want to cry but I can't, I want to scream but I can't and more than anything I want the aching in my chest to go away because I feel like I'm choking on my own heartbeat! I'm going to break apart if this keeps up and the rubber bands aren't working anymore. I need something but I don't know what to do! My mind keeps telling me to reach for the knife under my bed and I know if I do there won't be any stopping... I just want it to stop. I just want it to stop...
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??